What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 18
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Utica, NY
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? N/a
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 3
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
How long ago did this hookup happen? Within the past year
What was your relationship status at the time? I was this person’s side chick
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? My partner was my swim instructor for 6 years. We grew very close upon my graduation from high school. We exchanged numbers and I naively believed we had just become very close friends. I told him everything about myself and he told me a lot about himself. He was a 27-year-old man, with the most intimidating gaze and cocky attitude that countered my personality very well. He was the first person I called during panic attacks and anxiety attacks. He was my height, very well built, and had been going to CrossFit for over 4 years, plus he always had a beard that made him look irresistible. I knew he was taken, and I never made any explicit moves until he told me I was subconsciously flirting with him. I couldn’t hide my attraction to one of my closest friends, and it came out despite my strongest efforts.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I skipped a rehearsal for a music performance because he wanted to spend some time with me. He drove me back to his place, started playing a movie, and then he cupped my face and kissed me. I felt stunned. My heart was beating so hard I felt the heartbeat in my fingertips. I was so relieved that the tension between us had resolved, but I was so conflicted about his girlfriend finding out. I didn’t pull away though because he was my first kiss and he felt so good; he felt like home. I never expected this. Up until the very moment he kissed me I thought he only thought of me as a friend, but now I knew I meant something more.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? The next month after he kissed me for the first time, we had revealed to each other our feelings and our mutual trust to keep this secret because it would be very bad for both of us if anyone had found out that a 27-year-old and an 18-year-old were dating. I expressed that I trusted him and that if he wanted to continue, I would let him take my virginity. We continued to see each other and kiss, and I proceeded to give him oral sex a month later. A week after that, he planned to have full intercourse. He set up candles in his apartment and played a soundtrack and spoke softly for a long time to ease my nervousness about it. I had heard that a girl’s first time hurt, and he made sure everything was okay. He expressed that he was extremely turned on by the fact that he was teaching me everything from the very beginning and could bring out my sexuality. We had very romantic sex that was focused on my comfort as opposed to actual pleasure. It was more of a bonding session between us versus hot and heavy sex. It wasn’t the best sex, but I had never felt more comfortable with a person.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat
Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I was smitten and glowing after the hookup. My life was simple and happy. I felt like I wasn’t all alone in the world. As the weeks progressed, I would continue to make lies to avoid getting caught by my parents and continue to have sex with him. Sex became so much more aggressive and feisty which became my sexual personality. I started to be a tease and became an expert at teasing him. I felt like I had developed a sexual prowess so quickly, and he was proud of himself for bringing a dark side out of me. I loved being so bad, I felt so good and my anxiety seemed to vanish and I became more confident in my body and sexuality. I liked to talk back to him and have him hit me and choke me to put me back in my place. It was a very dynamic sexual relationship that continued to strengthen our friendship. I loved it. It was a secret that nobody knew and it made it that much sexier. We began to enter the realm of BDSM sex with aftercare and all of the leather and paddles. I knew this could only be friendly, so I made every effort to not catch feelings. We did eventually, but again we reminded ourselves that we had to keep quiet about this. I still love this person very much but I am at college, and he is back home, and we do not see each other often. We communicate daily though.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Thought it was an important experience to have, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, Submission / Relinquishing power, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? To nobody. It would have destroyed our relationships with overlapping friends and family
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? His kisses. His compliments. His dedication to make me orgasm and have the most sexually freeing experiences either of us had. His rough behavior with me after I had expressed that I like it that way. Him.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Not being able to tell anyone the fantastic sex I was having.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I feel guilty for not telling his girlfriend about it and it’s selfish but he felt so good, we fit like a puzzle. He wasn’t sexually satisfied by her and their schedules rarely overlapped so he was sexually deprived.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? If you see this, I love you, David. Never forget that. Never forget me.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Casual sex and intimacy with this person was the pivotal reason for my self-confidence and ownership of my body and exclaiming my needs. It can be a very freeing experience if it is done with someone you trust and will make you feel good.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Great!
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