What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 39
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Seattle
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Artist/Photographer
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Hindu
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 14
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? none
How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 days
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For 1 to 3 years
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? From Spain, short with dark hair and eyes, balding, well muscled, sturdy, although damaged leg from youth.
First time hook up with him.
Met online, as professionals, he’s also a photographer.
Felt neutral about him as a lover, good about him as a friend. He’s passionate about his art, very generous, nice, but I wasn’t attracted physically or emotionally. He’d offered to be my boyfriend a year prior, but I declined, saying I felt better as friends. Our Friendship continued. We worked a few paying projects together.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? It wasn’t planned.
I was on a break from a split shift gig in his neighborhood, so I called him.
We ate lunch and decided to go shoot a festival just north of us.
We used my car, as he doesn’t drive and we needed to unload excess gear for seating space.
We unloaded gear at his apartment. It was my first visit, I went in so he could show me his recent work. Which was quite good!
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I’d been working 2 days with very little sleep, and suddenly needed a nap.
I asked if I could rest for 30 min.
His apartment walls were filled with his photography, and a 2 foot image of my face.
I was surprised!
He said he’d taken it a year ago, and just loved it. That I could have it today.
His apartment was very clean, although he wasn’t expecting a guest.
He said sure to the nap, he’d like to rest as well, as he’d been up till 2 am.
I went in the bath to pee and when I returned soft music was on, he seemed to be naked in bed. He pulled back sky blue sheets for me to crawl beneath. I was surprised. He said, “no worries,” as he had his shorts on. I stayed clothed and got in.
As soon as I lay down, he rolled atop me with passionate kisses and spoke of how he’d dreamed of this.
At first it was overwhelming, but I went with it. I took off my dress and he turned me atop him and ate me out while flipping my bra down to reveal my breasts. He pulled nipples in rhythm with his tongue. He said he’d imagined I’d wear sexy black underwear, and indeed I was. After I came, he stroked my pussy, then thrust 2 fingers in, then 3 and held my hips as the thrusting became faster. It hurt a bit, maybe from an ungroomed fingernails? But I lay back with my head on his knees so he could see his handiwork. I didn’t come, but faked it so he’d stop.
He kissed my belly and then asked to enter, although he didn’t have a condom!
I said, “No, I don’t want to get pregnant, and I’m healthy and want to stay that way. Are you healthy?” He said he was and that he hadn’t had sex in a year, he laughed over the idea of pregnancy. Saying that’d be fun. (He likes kids) I said, “we’re too old for making babies.” He chuckled and said he forgot to tell me that he’d had a vasectomy. I still didn’t want him to enter but he was insistent. Fortunately, he was soft. He blamed this on the 3 beers he’d had at lunch. He flipped me under him and pinned me, then crammed his soft dick in with his fingers. I only felt his fingers and was getting sore. He wasn’t able to continue, as he was soft.
So he rolled off and we drifted to sleep. He got up several times to look out the window, making sure my car was secure in the parking lot. He also set an alarm, so I’d make my shift.
I don’t like sexual bullies, he was too assertive for me, but I think that’s just his Latin personality.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one
Did your partner have an orgasm? No
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Afterwards, he walked me to my car and we kissed goodbye.
He said he loved me, but knew I only liked him and that was OK.
He called me “friend” as he hugged me and gave me directions to the highway.
He texted me the next day, thanking me for the encounter.
Possibly I’d have oral sex with him again. But I didn’t like the insistence on penetration, or his impotence. I think impotent men can be dangerous, as their self esteem may be on the line.
Oral felt really good, I’ve missed it.
My current partner doesn’t like to either give or receive oral sex… or anal… He’s very conservative sexually.
He fucks like the energizer bunny, says he’s always been up for a really long time. Meaning 3-4 hours at a pop. He’s not on drugs, and could be a porn star! He even stays hard for a time after he comes. He was built to fuck and can do it gently, or pounding. He’s always considerate, mixing a gentle touch in when it’s more vigorous, which lets me know that he’s in control of himself. I feel safe. My doc said fucking that long is highly unusual, so I’m a lucky girl!!
It’s been 9 months of no oral sex, and one apology for partial anal penetration that occurred in his heat. I said, “I like anal too, I just need lube and slow entrance.” He said that was “unclean, even after showering”.
He’s done oral 2x a month when he was courting me, although no anal.
That stopped when I moved in. How disappointing?!
A couple months ago, he allowed me to rim him with my tongue. He said it was pleasurable, but weird – that he felt dirty and that my mouth was now dirty. That he’d never done that before (He’s 51), never had his prostrate milked and didn’t want us to continue. So I stopped. He’d showered before hand, so it’s really a mental thing. Points for him for trying something simply to please me! xox
He strongly prefers standard fucking. When he was young, he drove strippers to gigs for a living. He says that’s where he learned to desexualize all but fucking, as they’d often offer to go down on him in exchange for a better route, although he didn’t want it, nor could he control the routes. He was just a driver, not dispatch. More than once, one told him he better go down on her, because if he didn’t, she was going to say he fucked her. How horrible!! That totally sucks!!
He thinks I get off on vaginal penetration, which I can, but oral is SO MUCH BETTER! He thinks it’s dirty, which makes me feel unacceptable both for offering to suck him and for wanting oral. I even saw a doc to make sure I was healthy, with only pleasant odors.
I passed the microscope and blood tests.
The doc also took a swab and smelled it, saying “Yum”. Is that a professional opinion? “Yes it is!”, he said with a chuckle, which made me laugh and hop off the table to dress. I was so relieved!
Hooking up outside of the relationship is simply about receiving oral sex that can made me feel that my entire body was acceptable and pleasurable to a partner. It’s a great physical release.
I’m staying with my live-in partner, as the rest of who he is is excellent. He treats me well, is funny, smart, even tempered, breathtakingly handsome and kind. Like a Buddha!
I decided that oral sex is good for me physically and emotionally, so if not with him, that with another willing partner. Maybe a woman is a better choice, as I’m not looking for penetration from a man?
My live-in partner calls me his ocean, and it’s true that during intercourse, I flood him. I understand that he thinks that’s enough. But it isn’t and as I’ve said so, and he prefers to avoid all oral sex, sex outside of the relationship is happening.
I wish I could tell him that I’ve decided to have limited encounters, but I know he’d flip out. Probably not leave, just feel inadequate and loss confidence in himself. which would make me feel horrid. He’s a large, well muscled, strong man – physically and emotionally. I’ll continue asking him to play once a month or so, in case one day he goes for it.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Discussed STI testing history
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Learning new things, experimenting, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To cheer myself up, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I wrote to my best girlfriend, who lives in Scotland now.
I haven’t heard back yet.
But I know she loves me unconditionally and will probably understand and not judge me.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Do you regret this hookup? Somewhat
Why do you regret this hookup? It’s deceiving my live-in partner.
I never thought of myself as a cheater.
But that’s how he’d take it, and probably many other people would too.
I’d be seen as a Slut.
He’s be hurt and might lash out at me, or melt down or both.
It’s a little scary.
So much so, that I wonder if it’s worth it?
When I got home, I took a shower and climbed into our bed. Kissing the back of his neck, running my hands over his well muscled back, then cuddling him. He smelled good. He was asleep, but awoke enough to say, “What did you do? Why did you take a shower before bed?” “Because I wanted to be clean”. And he snored. Since he’s psychic, I felt a pang of guilt. I don’t ever want to hurt him, but I am a little animal. One who can’t find the words to tell him that playing with someone who enjoys oral sex makes me glow. I wish it were him, but it doesn’t look like it will be, nor can I expect it to be.
I don’t want to leave him, but now I wonder if I’m depriving him of the choice of leaving me?
Minor regret, that my hook up friend felt hurt that I don’t love him.
Minor regret that I haven’t told my hook up friend that I live with another man. He spoke of bringing me to Spain for the holidays, meeting his family, etc.
So I really don’t like the deceptive path this is taking. But done is done.
I’ll let things rest for a while.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? More confidence in the wholesomeness of my beautiful body!
More empowerment to make sexual choices.
The ability to give pleasure, and receive what is offered.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Cheating – because I cheated “us”.
Can we expand to play more with each others body?
How do we do that? Should we try?
He says he’s totally happy with me, does not want another woman in any way.
I’ve imagined the reverse and while it sounds hypocritical, it’s just the way I feel.
I’d feel hurt if he exchanged sex with another woman. I’d like to say I’d be curious of his experience, how did it expand his sense of self, and I would be, but I’d also be scared that he’d leave me or she’d mock me, or control him, or be better than me. How stupid! Of course we should be with the people who are best! Even if I were totally secure, and wished him blissful orgasms, I’d be hurt or feel left out. Sigh.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes.
I feel more free, emotionally, physically, and as a woman.
I’ve built a distance between my live-in partner and I.
While it hurts a bit, it also gives gives me an external reference point, so
I can observe how sex affects me.
And he’s not the only man on the planet, the shift was liberating.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Somewhat positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? It’s just something people do.
It should be ok, free of judgments, not laden with intents other than the exchange of pleasure.
Why is exchanging pleasure wrong?
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Good job!
Thank you for the site!
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!