Nine Years Later

by Daphne

What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 30
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Canada
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your current relationship status? Separated awaiting divorce
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 3
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Nine Years Later

How long ago did this hookup happen? Few months ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? We met in the summer 9 years ago. I had moved to town for a new job, he was in grad school. We dated for a few months but never had sex, but he broke it off. He continued to keep in touch, even with both of us moving to different cities, me getting married, then me getting divorced. Our communication was sporadic, sometimes a few texts a month, sometimes months between contact.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Almost a year into my separation, he was coming to a nearby city and asked if he could stop by for a visit before his meetings. Due to the distance from his meetings, it was agreed he could crash on my couch. He came straight to me after his plane landed. We went out for a lovely dinner and had a pleasant time catching up. Limited alcohol was involved, one drink each. Back at my place we kept chatting, ended up cuddling on the couch, and then he leaned down and kissed me.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? He grabbed my hands and said “let’s go to bed.” Kissing turned into oral, which turned into vaginal. Nothing kinky, but a variety of positions. I felt amazing. The sex was the best I’ve ever had. I felt sexy and confident, very different from how I felt the last time we had been in the same space.
After we slept, and upon waking proceeded to have sex again. My feelings towards the encounter were the same. I felt great.
He was a talented lover, much more experienced than I, but did not make me feel inexperienced.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We went out for breakfast, played tourist for a few hours, enjoying each other’s company, then he left to attend the meetings that prompted the trip.
I hope that we could see if our long friendship and sexual chemistry turn into something more. I feel the same about him as I have felt since we split, that maybe we aren’t finished yet.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, IUD (Intrauterine device), Discussed STI testing history

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, Thought it was an important experience to have

How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Friends, who were ecstatic to hear about the hookup, and hopeful that something may come from it. All these months later, they still throw out in conversation that they see me moving to his city (which would have personal and professional benefits to me, with family closer by and more career opportunities).

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? 1) Having mind blowing sex with him
2) Having mind blowing sex let me move on from feeling selfish about not having satisfying sex in my previous marriage
3) Gettin gout of my wn head, and just enjoying pleasure

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The unanswered questions as to where this leaves our long term friendship.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I still prefer sex in committed monogamous relationships, but know now that trust is paramount, regardless of relationship status
I feel more sexually powerful, able to express my wishes and desires. I more sure of my gut instincts regarding my personal happiness .

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? Having sex with a friend may be good for your body, but you must anticipate how your mind will react. The Mind-Heart-Body connection requires an agreement between the three, and leaving me behind complicates your relationship with yourself.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I have never participated in casual sex before, and have little desire to in the future,

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I appreciate having an outlet, and a place to read about other’s experiences.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!