“Please Do Not Leave from My Life”



What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 22
What’s your race/ethnicity? Mixed / Multiracial
What continent do you live on? Europe
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? student
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 4

“Please do not leave from my life”

How long ago did this hookup happen? almost one year ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For 1 to 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? She is brunette and had dark-brown eyes. She does not usually wear skirts or clothes considered to be girly by others. Doesn’t wear much makeup, either. That may be the reason why she was not so popular among guys when I first met her in college. I found her profile on social media before and added her immediately because her appearance is the type of girl I feel attracted to and she is from the same country as I am.

We had never met each other before, but my request was accepted. I was really glad that we were in the same class and we started talking. But then I found out that she had a fiancee who she lived with. That was shocking and unexpected since her family is Catholic and she had not told that to anyone in her class. After that, I slowly distanced myself from her. But we became really close after I met her fiancee. While she is shy and passive, her fiancee is very open and social. He seemed to like me very much as a friend, so we started hanging out often. I never liked him, but meeting with him sometimes led to seeing her as well so I took advantage of the situation. While she and I are in college, he worked full time at his father’s trade company.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Her fiancee was going on a business trip in two weeks. They lived together, and their apartment had several rooms and was surely too big for a couple. He asked me and her best friend, Kate, to take care of her while he’s away. So we visited her nearly every day. Kate and I lived not far from each other so we left her apartment together. Except that day. On that day, Kate had to go home earlier because her family was going to move out the next day. When Kate said goodbye to us, she had a mysterious smile on her face. It was a weekend and I was planning to stay that night in the guest bed. They had a cat, and he peed on the bed, so we needed to wash the sheets. After the tiring chore, she asked me where I am going to sleep. I didn’t know what to answer. She was hesitating but finally managed to say “If it is okay with you, you can use mine.” I never believed it was for real. Then we went to bed, but neither of us was sleepy. We were talking while facing towards each other and our mental and physical distance was as close as ever. She smiled a lot while talking and in every one of them I fell for it. I was too much of a coward to take action until the next morning.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I think we kinda synced in falling asleep and waking up. Waking up and seeing her smile as a first sight was too much for me. I hugged her gently but so intimately, which we never did before. She blushed so quickly and said “I never got so close with other guys before.”(but her fiancee, she implied, but never meant anything mean). Her smile while blushing just killed me and it was the trigger. I kissed her quickly and gently. The next moment she begged me one thing with a serious expression. “Please do not leave from my life.” After that, I got to know her past. She had several male friends in her childhood, but all of them fell in love with her and she did not want more than a friendship. Those guys after their “I love you” and her soft but firm rejection stopped talking with her and she did not know what to do. Years later when she looked back, she realized that she was trying her best in appearing as girly and attractive as possible. She thought that was the cause and ever since she threw away all the clothes and started putting on very simple clothes. She said that she never talked about it to anyone, not even her fiancee. Kate knew more or less, but never talked about it.

At that moment I felt that I got closer to her than her fiancee and I got on top of her and kissed her so hard, telling her that I loved her from the first when I saw her profile picture which was far from cute and attractive. Our reason and morals just got blown. She took off my shirt while kissing her and she undressed me. When we both got naked we just wanted to have penetrative sex. But I hesitated. I loved her and wanted to fuck her, but also wanted to keep her pure at the same time. So I just rubbed my penis towards her vagina, moving as if we are have a penetrative sex, trying to cease the drive. She asked me “won’t you fuck me?” Desperately I answered “I want to.”(I wouldn’t have hesitated it if she would have said “Fuck me.”) She pulled my hip towards her which made the tip of my penis got inside. She said ”You came in right?”, but I replied ”It is only the tip.”

She then pulled me to the bed, rolled over and got on top. She held both my hands over my head with one arm and she lowered her slim ass, sitting on my dick. I wanted her so much. Then she said “I got you.” Being inside of her and seeing her naked body shaking over me just snapped my last moral and I fucked her so hard, ejaculating in less than two minutes. I said “I’m going to come” and she said “you’re kidding me!?” with a tone of being surprised how fast it was (no frustration though). I was too crazy enough to pull her towards me and hold her in my arms before I came and I came inside her. I knew that she was taking pills (got to know it from her fiancee before, feeling so complicated), but it was not the thought the led me to come inside her, but that I really wanted to. We kissed, took a shower together and had sex again. This time I managed to make her come three times. Twice in a missionary and at last fucking her from behind with her legs straight on the bed when I finally came. This time I had a condom, too bad. It was just too satisfying and mind-hacking whenever I recall the situation.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? During his absence, we had a fuck-buddy like relationship since I was more devoting. I never dared to ask her feelings towards me neither she had expressed it so I had to interpret it as it was casual to her. When he came back, it just went back to normal. She and I are just friends, not best, but good ones. He and I are good-friends like relationship, drinking a beer or two, telling one’s problem and advising. When we three meet each other, we just talk and act as if nothing had ever happened. But what I heard from Kate, is that when she saw me on a commuter train while I was by myself and she was with Kate, she tried to talk to me but I never noticed her and I got on a train. It was too crowded on the platform. She then shed tears and later told Kate what had really happened. Kate just swore to keep it to herself, because once the rumour is spread, it would destroy her life.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant

What were your motives for this hookup? Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, I didn’t want it but was unable to stop it

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Somewhat

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My former boss who I worked over the summer. He said that I should be a writer. I dunno what he implied it, either believed my story and encouraged to write a non-fiction or thought I made it up and it would be a good fiction about college life.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat

Do you regret this hookup? A little bit

Why do you regret this hookup? I wanted her but should not have acted as I felt because she had a fiance.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I got physical and mental confidence from her compliments while in a bed.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I somewhat got less active towards girls whose apprearance I prefer.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I got new perspective. I never knew my sexuality by myself. I never knew she could be so active sexually.(her fiance was complaining about her being away to passive in bed)

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Somewhat positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? Up to you if you believe it or not.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? its not my thing.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Good in every way. Giving people opportunities to tell stories that may not be shared in one’s real life. Safe place (Internet AND anonymous) to keep one’s memory from fading away. Getting people aware of the pros and cons.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!