What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 28
What’s your race/ethnicity? Southeast Asian
What continent do you live on? Asia
What country and/or city do you live in? South East Asia
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Technical
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Kinky
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 14
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? A few but under two different nicknames
Being Preyed on by a Tall Dark Handsome Man
How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 and a half month ago
What was your relationship status at the time? In a relationship (monogamous)
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For 1 to 3 years
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? A tall, dark and handsome Malay man. One or two years younger than me. A work colleague, one from exactly same section. Never really paid extra attention to him in any sexual way prior to our hookup as I didn’t usually dig Malay men.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? He and I stayed at the same hotel, attending same training course. The night before the hookup, he abruptly called me on the phone, asking to meet up for drinks at the roof top bar which I kindly rejected because I had just had a wild night with my (then)affair partner who is a married man (which I might or might never write about my sexual escapades with him here), so I wished to sleep. The next day, I could feel his gaze follow me whenever I went but I just shrugged him off. By the time we were done with our training course, he stopped me from leaving early so we could walk together back to our hotel which was nearby. Along the way, he told me that he knew what I did last night. At first, I was confused. I thought he had bumped into me and my married affair partner at the roof top bar. Then he went into details about what he knew – the sexual stunts we performed, me going to sleep naked, the appearance of my affair partner. I was completely surprised, still in denial that I was caught red-handed when I thought we had the affair cover well after going at it strong for close to a year. Turned out that his room, which was located at the adjacent block of mine, could see clearly into my room at night as I had only the thin layer of curtain pulled cover. It meant that when the night fell and with my room lights on, other hotel guests could easily have a clear view of what was going on in my room despite the thin layer of curtain (as I should have pulled over the other layer of thick curtain!!!!). He was able to recognize me because we are colleagues at work! I was still too shocked to process anything but did the verification of what he had just informed me anyway. I mumbled not to tell anyone, then I was back to my room. Soon after, he called me, asking me to come over to his room. I was torn in between going or not going as I knew damn well where this might lead to and I was not willing to give in to any sort of pressure or blackmailing. But if I didn’t go, I would have no idea what he would do with my rejection. So I paid him a visit, I was sitting on the other side of his bed. He was telling me to sit closer, which I did then he soon reached out to kiss me in the mouth.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I was not certain of how experienced he was since the kiss seemed amateur. I told him that I couldn’t do penetration (gave him a variety of reasons like I did not sleep with colleagues and I had to be faithful to my partner), which he expressed his understanding although he was frustrated to see how beautiful I was after my clothes went off yet unable to enjoy me. I reluctantly gave him a blow job, hoping to get away with just a blow job. Soon he came in my mouth and I swallowed. I desperately wished to leave by then because I was feeling real guilty as the night before, before my married partner just left, he warned me (not-so-jokingly) to “behave”. Yet, now I was on the bed with another man. After he came, we continued with making out – him licking my ears and neck, fingering me which totally sent me over the edge as those were absolutely my favorite foreplay. I was getting so horny then I was eyeing his circumcised cock, which looked and felt just nice and hard. I asked if he had a condom, to which he replied no. I thought to hell with it, then pushed him down, sat on him pushing with his cock in me and started bouncing. I let out a huge moan, beg him not to come in me. I wanted it to stop as soon as possible and that added to the thrill and I came really hard while riding him because I lied on the bed, with him burying his head on my breasts controlling his breaths. At that point, I was ready to leave due to the guilt, but I stayed to give him another blowjob halfheartedly which took him some time to come.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Okay, I told myself I wouldn’t repeat. But that night, when he invited me to go over his room to stay over, I did not reject. We had sex twice (one at night and another in the morning, before we checked out to fly out of the city). Subsequently, we hooked up for another 4 times (with and without alcohol). It sort of turned into a friends with benefits arrangement. Both were aware that this meant nothing more than that. Funnily, we initially stated that we would never get involved with work colleagues, yet we were sleeping with each other, hiding from our mutual friends (which only added more thrills to the whole thing)
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal, Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, I was feeling lonely, Boredom
How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? A little bit
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? No one. It is quite a taboo for a non-Muslim woman to hook up with a Malay Muslim man. The girl could be shunned by her community for choosing a Malay Muslim man. Thus, both of us agreed not to say anything to anyone and only hooked up on a random, infrequent basis so that we didn’t get caught and become the topic of gossips.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? – First with a Malay man. First with a circumcised cock. I like having first to everything 🙂
– Admittedly, I grew to find him very sexually and physically attractive. Boy was tall, lean, dark, good-looking and mostly importantly, it also came with great stamina (where his hard-on could last for hours even after coming) and a great cock with length and girth that are just perfect.
– Subsequent hookups just got better and better compared to our first time together. He even managed to make me come while in missionary position (which was a first as I thought I could never achieve that). Turned out that boy was more experienced than me in casual sex (not necessarily more adventurous tho).
– We did cuddles after sex too (which helped me to see cuddles as something normal every respectful man would do to their casual partner after sex, rather than a privilege that only happens in a committed relationship). And our sessions were always playful and I enjoyed giving him nice, sloppy blowjobs and rim jobs which he loved so much.
– The little secret between us actually made work a fun time (the knowingly smile and eye contacts) because no one would have expected that both of us would hook up.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? – That I was sleeping around and had no healthy boundaries most the time (never kept promises and principles)
– The last hookup between us happened few weeks back, but I started to think he was taking me for granted as I was no longer hard to come by as contrast to the initial thrill of preying on and getting me to sleep with him. I think he might have lost the respect for me either because he actually left me in the middle of the night uninformed (instead of sleeping over like usual) causing me to wake up only to find out that I was alone in the hotel room. That was an awful experience as it made feel like rubbish. So I have since then decided to have no more hookups with him.
– Reputational damage if we ever got discovered
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It only reaffirmed that I was being promiscuous as this is not the first time I slept with two men in less than 24 hours, went back on my own words, cheated on different partners.
I have to stop being easy. Instead, take a back seat and and let guys really work for sex from me, rather than me blatantly going after it at the expense of being taken for granted.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I did suggest threesomes to him which kinda turned him off as he learned about my experience with regards to it. Probably due to his upbringing. Meh, it is really hard to get a nice FWB without much judgment, who is also up for exploring other fantasies together.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? NA
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Like that I am able to share my sexual escapades here with others, rather than keep it to myself or my blog alone.
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!