I Had Sex with My Best Friend for the First Time, but It’s Not the Usual Cliché



What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 18
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Romania
Highest education received: Not graduated from high-school
What’s your occupation? Student
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Gay/lesbian
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 1
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

I had sex with my best friend for the first time, but it’s not the usual cliche

How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 years

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? My partner was decent looking, average at everything, but I did not feel attracted to her. She was my best friend for 4 years by then – I was 16 then – and we did not hook up before; and she is straight, as far as I know. I have met her in 3rd grade, she moved in my town and came into my class. Before the hookup our relationship had cooled, we didn’t get along so well at that time.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? It is kind of embarrassing. I went with my family and my friend to a film festival; and my parents were in the other room.
I was just “in the mood” and I asked my friend if we could kiss. One thing led to another and I asked her if she wanted to have sex with me and touch me in different places, and she said: yes. I was a virgin and it seemed a good idea to try out something new.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? It wasn’t so great, I shouldn’t have done it since I didn’t feel attracted to her. It was mainly nipple-play, but it got out of hand. She started being rough and bit me and scratched me until I got wounded. I asked her to stop but she didn’t listen to me and I kind of went numb and didn’t stop her; it felt like it wasn’t really real, because of the numbness I felt. But also, in a way maybe I didn’t want her to stop. It was very confusing for both of us.
She also rubbed my clit and pushed it really hard – it felt as though I fell on a tree-branch on my groin -, but that didn’t last so long, I myself mostly managed that part.
She was also talking all the time in the beginning about random stuff, so I got turned off, but I still pushed it; also she didn’t get naked, but I didn’t ask her to.
It lasted about an hour, until I had an orgasm.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one

Did your partner have an orgasm? I don’t know

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt numb and I wasn’t thinking about the future.
I feel sorry about what happened. I shouldn’t have done that to her, although she seems to be the villain, it’s not all her fault. I didn’t care about our friendship at that time as much as I cared about having sexual interaction with someone. And maybe she pushed it – after I wanted it to stop – because I didn’t desire her half-way through and that can be frustrating, especially because it was her first time too.
Now I can understand her point of view, but since then we talked very rarely. Last 6 month we haven’t talked at all, because I got in a fight with her and told her how I felt about what happened. Now we talk, but I don’t expect much of a closeness in our friendship.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None

What were your motives for this hookup? Learning new things, experimenting, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it, I didn’t want it but was unable to stop it

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? First, I initiated the whole thing, but after a while I wanted it to stop, but she didn’t stop.

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I talked to my therapist about it. It was also related to my sexual abuse story as a child – a woman had done that to me – , so we both tried to figure things out.
I have told other people that I am a virgin, so I don’t have to explain it all.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Other

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat

Do you regret this hookup? Very much

Why do you regret this hookup? I regret it because I didn’t feel attracted to her and I we both made a mess out of it.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? That my parents didn’t catch us?
We managed to keep it as quiet as possible.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? That she was my friend and we both got emotionally hurt.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I will not have sex with someone I don’t feel attracted to – and especially if she is also a friend. So it kind of taught me that.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think that casual sex can be both negative and positive. If you’re not careful on choosing the partner, it could be a not so great experience. And also, if trying bondage I think it’s fairly unadvisable.
On the other hand, if it is the most gratifying thing for your sexual pleasure, I think people should go for it as long as they stay safe.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I find it to be a useful project. Human sexual behaviour – and behaviour in general – is interesting to study.
None the least, sexual desire takes a big part in our lives; but few people talk about it. So in my opinion, this project can be great for research because people can share anonymously, thus they can share more freely and ultimately – perhaps – more honestly.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!