What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 43
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Australia
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 11
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None
How long ago did this hookup happen? 20 years ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Mutual friends introduced us at a sporting activity we were both doing. I was new to this sport, he was more experienced & showed me the ropes, as it were. We got on really well in a group, & I think it was on the second meeting we had dinner afterwards, just the two of us. A short time after that, after our next group sports activity, he asked me if I wanted to stay the night, so I did. By this stage, I’d had some idea what a hot body he had and I was single so I thought ‘why not?’ It seemed to be mutually understood from the start that we were just “seeing each other”, i.e. Not entering into a serious relationship. But he made me laugh & I was surprised he wanted to sleep with me as I’m pretty averagely attractive & not insanely fit or anything. It felt good to have him make the pass at me.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We went to his place after I’d been home to get a few things (we both had work the next day), & we stopped on the way for a cheap dinner. Neither of us drank alcohol, on that night. We got to his place & basically just got into it as soon as we were in his room. It was clear what we were there for so it didn’t feel forced.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We did mostly vaginal intercourse but also both did oral on each other, & anal also for a bit, but only briefly. He was a really thoughtful lover, always checked he had permission from me before doing anything new. He took the lead, I guess, as the more sexually experienced of the two of us. He was great at oral! And he obviously enjoyed it, & gave me lovely compliments too! That hadn’t happened to me much before. We repeated this about once or twice a week for several months, & it was great. I never felt emotionally dependent on him or that I wanted more. On one occasion we even had a threesome with a (male) friend of his, at my lover’s suggestion. I enjoyed it but wasn’t as relaxed as I could have been, & we didn’t repeat it, but, again, I have no regrets. All the same, we really trusted each other & never fought over any issue. It came to a natural conclusion when I started making plans to move overseas to further my career & he started seeing a girl that he was getting feelings for. It was all very amicable & civilized, really.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt great about what we did, & still do. It probably helped make me more relaxed about my sexuality & I knew better as a result what I liked. Neither of us wanted more than what we had, I think, we were fortunate in that way. I actually have started bumping in to him lately at our respective children’s activities, which is hilarious! We can still have a laugh but in a completely different context now. It’s really nice, but we’re both now married so would never dream of taking it further. It’s part of my past, I am neither proud nor ashamed of it. It’s become a private part of who I am.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I spoke to a couple of friends but that was it. My flatmates who were friends knew also.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Just the sense of satisfaction & feeling desired by someone who was so attractive & charismatic!
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Nothing really.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It’s made me more accepting of the idea of casual sex – so much out there tells people it’s damaging, and though it can be, it needn’t always be – my experience was really positive. It made me explore my sexuality & I found out I am somewhat attracted to aspects of women’s bodies though I have no desire to carry this out.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I think mutual trust was a big part of the success of the hook-up. Neither one hurt the other, we were honest from the outset and that laid the ground-work for a positive, uncomplicated sexual time in my life.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I’d like to see it become a gentler, less stigmatized thing. I still want the privacy surrounding it, but an understanding that it can help people “sort out” their sexuality & be added to the many positive experiences of a well-led life would be good. It has given me confidence & a satisfaction that whatever my sex life entails in future, I know I’ve had some really fabulous sexual experiences. I have no regrets whatsoever.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Fascinating!
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