So Far Gone

by Picapica

What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 42
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Scotland
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Recruitment
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 10
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 1

So far gone

How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 months ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Dating casually

How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a year

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I’ve written about M before. He’s tall – about 6’3″, skinny, stylish in a scruffy way, really beautiful but a pretty messed up guy. This hook-up was the last time we were together before we split up. We’d been seeing each other casually for about a year but I’d been seeing less of him for various reasons … we were both busy, he was stressed out with work and personal stuff. I think he was worried that we were heading into relationship territory which was where we had never intended to go.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I went over to M’s house and we got pretty smashed on a lot of wine, we drank a couple of bottles in the house, went outoral for dinner, drank another bottle, then hit the gin when we got back. This was normal and I don’t recall much of the evening after dinner. I crashed out around midnight but M stayed up drinking until about 5am, when he came through to bed and woke me up. He got in beside me and undid his jeans. I was really sleepy and just cuddled up to him but he kept asking me to get on top and I was so tired and drunk I could barely move.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? M kept asking me to ride his penis and come all over him. He was kissing me really passionately which was unusual as he was normally pretty lazy at initiating. I told him I had my period and I was so tired, I could hardly move. He started fingering my clit and I started touching him as well. He was really drunk and he kept going soft. I went down on him and he grabbed my hair and forced himself in so deep I was choking which was something we usually did and I found a total turn-on usually. M liked to get me to piss my pants and then usually he would tear them off and tie my hands together with them and he kept going on about this but I really couldn’t be bothered, I was so tired. I told him: I’m too tired to put my pants back on.
He asked me to piss on his chest or in his mouth instead but I kept saying: I’m too tired, leave me alone. He then said would I mind if he pissed on me and I was so tired, I’d have agreed to anything just to sleep. He didn’t do this; instead he started looking for lube in his bedside drawer. First he got out a tub of sudocrem and smeared it all over his body from the thighs up to his chest, then looked really puzzled that he was covered in white cream! He threw it across the room and reached into the drawer again. I was laughing by this point. He brought out emollient spray and was trying to spray it on his penis but I managed to stop him. Again it got flung across the room. Eventually he found what he was looking for and got out of bed and dragged me over to the edge, saying “get your ass in the air, you dirty girl”. I obliged. He put loads of lube on himself and in / around my asshole and fucked me anally pretty hard. He kept calling me his dirty girl and I could hardly stop laughing for some reason. He pulled out and dragged me by the hair to the edge of the bed and held both my hands together with one his hands and tried to put his cock in my mouth. I tried to turn my head away as post-anal blowjobs is a hard limit for me and he knows this but he tried to force my mouth open with his free hand. I pulled myself away and rolled across the bed and M just climbed in and cuddled me like nothing had happened. He had gone soft again and he told me he was desperate to come but was too drunk.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little

Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close

Did your partner have an orgasm? No

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We talked for a while then M fell asleep. I didn’t sleep well as he was a restless sleeper and I was a bit uneasy at some of what had taken place. I meant to talk to him about it the next day but he was pretty down and the moment never seemed right. Next time I saw him, we ended the sexual side of things so I never mentioned it.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Intoxication, Submission / Relinquishing power

How intoxicated were you? Completely wasted

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Completely wasted

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Prescription pain killers (Vicodin, Percoset, Demerol, Dilaudid)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? The initial part of it was wanted but when I asked him to stop, he didn’t – probably due to being so wasted

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told a friend and she was pretty concerned that M didn’t observe the boundaries I’d drawn and felt I needed to talk to him about it.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively negative

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit

Do you regret this hookup? A little bit

Why do you regret this hookup? I regret that this was the last time we had sex and that it was so messed up.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? It was pretty amusing when he was mixing up emollient and sudocrem for lube and I could hardly stop laughing. Most of it was fun even though I was shattered.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I was too tired to participate and had my period which didn’t help. The way it ended made me really uneasy. We’d played around with a little bit of force before but it had always been wanted by both of us and was just play.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? This time I realised that I really needed to be careful how much I was drinking with M and draw a line a little earlier than 3 bottles of wine and half a bottle of gin in.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Somewhat positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Fairly negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? This was our last encounter. They were getting progressively more borderline in terms of consent. M liked to tie me up usually and would then do what he wanted with me and sometimes things got a bit crazy due to the amount of alcohol drunk. Even if things went a bit wrong, I tended to put it down to experience but this time I felt really uneasy about how far M seemed willing to go. To be honest I think he felt even more uneasy and this is probably why we stopped sleeping together.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? This is the first time I’ve had sex outwith a proper relationship and I’ve enjoyed it much more than I usually would. I’ve felt free-er to experiment and able to be more honest about my more secret desires that I usually would.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Love reading the stories.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!

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