Race/ethnicity: White British
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
Relationship status: Single
Religious affiliation: N/A
How religious are you? A little
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 2
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Student Sneaking Out On Late Night Adventures… With An Older ‘Friend’… With Benefits
How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 months ago
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits/short fling
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Previously only had one other partner – a quick hook up during university Freshers’ Week, he was unaware that I was still a virgin. Casual sex for a while, ended badly because it started getting too intense – a friends-with-benefits type of situation.
My friends urged me to try a dating app, which I did. It felt weird at first, but I had an overwhelming amount of interest and it was something to do when wasting time late at night. As it had been so long since I’d last had sex it got to the point where I seriously considered just meeting a stranger for sex. I had a few phone sex encounters and some offers of paid sex work… which I genuinely thought about and even began to set up, but I never went through with it.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We met on a dating app and met up very briefly in person quite soon after because we went to the same university. We then went out a few times just as friends, then hooked up about a week later.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Oral, vaginal, vibrator – the sex got better the more times we saw each other. We were both pretty adventurous and had a high sex drive. We often went out to fancy bars and clubs late at night, came back and had sex for hours before going home and having to get up for work early in the morning. We often had to sneak past my flatmates’ rooms in the small hours – sometimes we would do it in the car or out in a park.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? No we didn’t, but we discussed relationship history, so I judged the likelihood on that. We used a condom but occasionally just the withdrawal method.
What were your REASONS for having this hookup? It had taken me a long time to get over my last split, I was in a very difficult place personally for various other reasons. I wanted someone to have fun with, who would take me out and show me a good time. I didn’t meet up with the intention of having sex because I wasn’t instantly attracted to him but I just went with it. However, I wanted a ‘relationship’ which wasn’t serious but fun and a safe way to have casual sex with someone I knew, liked and trusted.
Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? We were both pretty drunk the first time we hooked up but after that we didn’t feel we needed to get drunk before sex.
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I found out he had been texting someone else he was really into at work – I called everything off. I knew this wouldn’t be long term and I wanted to end it sooner rather than get even more hurt later.
Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? No – if I had the option to go back I would do the same thing again, but I think it will make me more wary in future.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? No, I don’t regret it because it was really fun and it did make me feel so much better after a very difficult period. The spontaneity and sheer hedonism was great, but it was good to have someone close for emotional support. It definitely developed my sexuality and confidence in bed. I think the friends-with-benefits set up can be difficult because it is hard to define the boundaries. I didn’t want to be needy, but at the same time we would both text each other if we were upset, and our relationship was based on a friendship and not just sex. If it had been things may have been easier but we got very close, so finding out he had been texting someone else was more painful because he had behaved as though this was more than just a causal thing.
Neither of us wanted a relationship, which initially I thought was good because I had studying and friends and so much else going on. However, I think as we got closer it began to wear down my confidence when he made plans to go out with friends or work-mates rather than spend time together. I knew he liked being with me but because we were close and it was causal he felt like he could drop in and out when he felt like it. I think I needed to be a bit more of a priority.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup or anything else? Casual sex/friends-with-benefits works if both people are on the same page. Personally I can be casual but it has to be monogamous – the problem is that different people have different ideas about what cheating is.
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