Testing Out My Newly Open Relationship

by Bunny

What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 30
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? UK
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Housewife
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (open)
Religious affiliation: None
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 8
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Testing Out My Newly Open Relationship

How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 Months ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (open)

How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? We had know each other for around 9 years, he used to date a friend of mine. In the last couple of years we had become closer friends and he was now single. We had been flirting for a few months before hand and I had always felt a little tension, previously I had used him as a subject of my fantasies occasionally.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We had discussed the idea of hooking up beforehand, mostly in a ‘joking testing the waters’ kind of way. He came over to watch a movie, I’m not sure who instigated it. There was a lot of flirting and touching on the couch both slowly getting closer to each other So I think it was pretty mutually instigated.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I had been with my husband for 10 years, we are very close. Around 5 months ago it became apparent that we were maybe both considering the excitement and thrill of new partners. We discussed it at length and both decided that we would try opening up our relationship to allow for casual sex with other people as long as we were honest about what we were doing and always practiced safe sex. We love each other very deeply and want to stay together but also want to experience everything life has to offer, also hoping it might re-invigorate our own sex life.

This was my first experience having casual sex within our open marriage. I was very nervous. As for the hook up itself, it was pretty brief. We kissed a lot and got turned on by each other. We allowed our hands to explore and undress each other. Then I straddled him right there on the couch and we had vaginal sex. He was more impatient than I had imagined, it had been a long while since I had sex with anyone other than my husband, maybe I was just so used to one partner I didn’t know what to expect. It was a thoroughly enjoyable experience. I became very excited and turned on in a way that I don’t think you can with a long-term partner.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After the hook up I felt really good about myself. It gave me a really positive confidence boost, helped my self-esteem and generally put me in a good mood for a few days. I tried very hard not to have any expectations but I did find myself hoping to see him again and wanting to have another casual sexual encounter with him. After a month of nothing else happening I did briefly grow a little frustrated, it took me a little time to realize that as ‘friends with benefits’ i should not have any expectations – that it might have been a one off and I should just accept it and enjoy it as what it was. As It was my first casual sex encounter within our newly open marriage I think my ability to manage my own expectations was a bit of a learning curve for me.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, Discussed STI testing history

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Thought it was an important experience to have, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I spoke in detail with this to my husband, as that was the idea of finding our feet with our newly opened up relationship. He reacted very positively and was pleased I had a positive experience. We also drew on it for a while to enhance our own sex lives, it seems to turn my husband on at the thought of other men wanting me.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The excitement, the rush, the pleasure. The sense of discovery around a new partner, seeing and feeling a different person’s body. The tension leading up to anything happening.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Wanting more afterward and not getting It, which hurt me more than I expected but also made me learn a lot about managing my expectations moving forward.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes, it opened my eyes to a lot more options and the fact that casual sex can be a very positive thing.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? It is a shame that it seems to have such a negative social stigma, myself and my husband are happy with our arrangement to occasionally pursue casual sex elsewhere and I feel that it makes us a lot closer and more honest than couples who cheat or lie about their desires. For me casual sex is a great tool for pleasure and self-worth and I don’t like that society seem to make it into a negative thing.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I find it very interesting and also quite liberating to read other’s stories and know that, actually, other people have and enjoy sage casual sex. It’s reassuring to know you are not alone in your feelings and desires.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!