The End of a Year

by Pseudonymous

What’s your gender? Genderqueer / Nonbinary
How old are you? 23
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? LA
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Freelance Production
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Somewhere between Bhuddism, Paganism, and Lapsed Atheism
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? I fucking hate this question.
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? I’ll figure it out at some point, not on the top of my list
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 5
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

The End of a Year

How long ago did this hookup happen? Story covers a bit of time

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Like Athena, Just as terrifying, just not as tall. Curly hair, fiercely loyal, more than willing to fight for her friends. I knew her from High School, someone who was there for me when i didn’t expect many people to be. I don’t know if either of us had considered hooking up, but we did.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? It was New Years Eve, she was having a party. Some mutual friends of ours were there, but also some people I didn’t know, friends she had made over the last few years after we lost touch.

Maybe we flirted a bit, but there was no planning. I had had a rough month, a totaled car, running out of money with a shitty job.

I was exhausted. It had been the end of a very long day in a very long week and I wasn’t too happy about the last year. The night ended with us sitting next to eachother on the couch, legs and thighs touching.

Eventually, after everyone else had left, I said I might sleep on the couch. I was too tired to drive home, my anxiety disorder tickled the back of my mind. So we ended up talking on the couch for an hour or so, eventually spooning. Then she asked a question, I can’t remember what, just that my answer was, “Well, I have this no-instigation policy…”

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? From there we kissed and felt each other on the couch. Somewhere upstairs there was a sleeping grandmother but I don’t think I knew or cared. She made these perfect soft little noises when I ran my fingers between her legs, her tights laid flat against her lips.

Eventually we moved upstairs, I think because we didn’t want to stain the couch.

I laid naked and in bed while she changed into pajamas, which I almost minded but I was tired enough that I fell asleep in the interim. She came and found me once changed, so I roused myself from sleep and my dick from slumber. Just as we were getting back into it came the question.

Fucking Condoms.

I mean, I had some, but they were out in my car in my bag because I didn’t want to presume that her and I were going to sleep together because that would be rude, right?

I’m not proud of this next bit, and in all fairness I was *very* tired and *very* comfortable. So I told her where they were and probably made some despicably awful puppy dog eyes that may have passed for cute in the dark. So she put on a robe and ran out in the winter cold to grab my bag.

I hope I made it up to her later. I’m pretty sure I did.

So she got back and we had condoms. She was in her PJs, complete with bra and panties, and I was about as naked as could be, covered only by the sheets.

I don’t like sleeping clothed. She, on the other hand, had never slept naked.

So we got back into it for the third time. As we warmed up the covers the PJs start to come off. She was laying on her back, I was on my elbow with my hand between her legs. One finger rubbing circles around her clit, and then down and deep inside her. I lifted her legs up to her chest and slid her PJ Bottoms and panties up. After finding and then donning one of the condoms we started fucking.

Then we fucked till we fell asleep.

Its my favorite kind of fucking. The kind where, after its over, you don’t have to move or go anywhere, you can just let that afterglow carry you right off into dreamland.

We woke once or twice during the night, fooled around a little and then fell back asleep.

I didn’t come that night. Sometimes after so long using the hand, it takes a bit to get used to the organ.

She came twice that night.

By the time morning rolled around I woke up and she was gone.

Not AWAY, mind you. Just downstairs, cleaning the last of the party and talking with her parents. I came down soon and she fed me with a cup of soup. I was the hungriest I had been in a long time. I talked with her parents, whom I hadn’t seen in a few years, and it was good to catch up.

In an hour I left to go get a late lunch with some family. We hugged before we left, and she said she wanted to meet up later. I had a houseboat to myself for a night with a fireplace and running water, and no plans past lunch. She’d come by my place around 8 or 9, and we’d see where things went from there.

We were pretty sure of where things would go.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? But this isn’t the whole story.

Because I was Manic and Anxious the entire time. A lovely little concoction of my Mental Illness where my thoughts race and I get these intrusive obsessive thoughts- like lines of dialogue from imaginary conversations. When we were just starting to hook up I had to stop, my heart beating so hard I thought I was having a panic attack. I didn’t know it then, I didn’t know what was happening to me. Sometimes it takes a while to figure out that the way you feel is due to your mental illness.

And that night, an old friend of mine set his car on fire while he was still in it. The end result of his own Mental Illness. That night he committed suicide. I didn’t know until 2 days later when I was road tripping back south. I think it was the day I first started to realize that time won’t make this better. That I won’t one day wake up feeling normal.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, To feel more confident, I was feeling lonely, It was easy / convenient

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I’ve talked with a few friends, and she told a few mutual friends of ours. It was sex. It was healthy, consensual, damn good sex.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I was in a damn tough place. I had just moved to a new town where I knew 2 people and was starting a life. I was lonely and dealing with this giant shadow of Mental Illness in my life. We didn’t just fuck, we understood eachother. One of those moments of emotional intimacy that can only come just before you’re asking someone to cum for you.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? You know what? I wasn’t *there* enough. Between the hunger and the tired and the anxiety, I kinda coasted. I hold myself to a higher standard than that, man. I’m better than that.

I made up for it on night 2

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It really did. Probably why i chose to tell this story over a lot of other stories I have about casual sex.

It was when I realized that how I wanted to connect with people was valid. I didn’t want any romantic entanglements, they make me uncomfortable. I wanted a good friend. Thats something I definitely got out of this encounter, and other people I have had casual sex with. I am most comfortable fucking friends. Is that weird? Maybe. But it doesn’t feel weird to me.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think casual sex is vastly important. Too often we make Sex seem evil or bad to the point that young women have eating disorders and young men think the only way to get laid is to get a girl drunk.

I mean, what the FUCK, man.

Its not that sex isn’t important, but it doesn’t determine your value.

Its not a way to exhibit power over someone, its a way to be close to someone, to share one of those truly human moments.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Fucking. Love. It.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!

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