The Second Time



What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 20
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? United States
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Student
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Jewish
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Bicurious
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 7
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

The second time

How long ago did this hookup happen? Yesterday

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For 1 to 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? We met freshmen year randomly at a party. I had thought she was cute, but after that night we never crossed paths again. It wasn’t until my sophmore year that I found out she was roommates with my friend, who at the time I had a crush on. Nothing panned out but all of us stayed friends. She invited me to NYC to see a concert with her and another girl the previous summer and that was the first time we had hooked up. She texted me after saying that she had enjoyed the experience. She has dark black hair which is cut short and boyish. She is is not fat, but not skinny either. Her body is what one would probably call curvy, but not in the extreme sense of the word. I liked her, as a friend, but I wasn’t sure really how we would stand coming into our junior year. I wasn’t sure if our past hookup was just a one time thing.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? The party was ending, me and her stood in the living room of the on campus apartment looking at a song’s lyrics projected onto the wall. I can’t remember whether or not we were dancing/singing along. The hookup just happened. I turned and kissed her, and we made out for a short time. She pulled me close as we did, which made me continue to kiss her. It was all in the moment and we left together.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We got back to my room and got out clothes off and proceeded to have sex. The sex was unprotected, but she was on the pill. We both went down on each other, midway through. It felt alright, not exceptional to be honest. She likes it rough so I would pull her hair a lot and slap her. Occasionally she would choke me, I did it a little to her. Choking people makes me a little uncomfortable, I am not sure I want to be messing around with stuff like that when I am not sober. I talked to her dirty which we both enjoyed. I wish that she would have done the same to me.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat

Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close

Did your partner have an orgasm? I don’t know

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt alright but a little uncertain how far into the future I want to maintain this relationship. On the one had consistent sex is nice but I am interested in pursuing other partners. I guess it will maintain as a casual thing until one of us gets sick of it. I think both of us have no plans to take it any farther than it is.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Intoxication, Boredom, It was easy / convenient

How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? I don’t know

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? No one, I am unsure if I will. My friends know, but I don’t think anyone will talk about it.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Other

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? A little bit

Why do you regret this hookup? I think I am in a stage where I am looking for something more serious and I am sure it is not with her. I just feel as though it was not the step in the right direction. Also I am a recovering porn addict and I always feel a little weird while having sex, especially while in the early stages of sobering up.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The fact that it happened, I enjoy the idea of hooking up, and I like the idea of waking up next to someone in the morning.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The fact that it made me look at my life and realize I am a little confused about where I want to go.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? No probably not.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think that it is something that people think will give them satisfaction but I have found that it is not always guaranteed.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I like confessional aspect of it, I feel much better after thinking and organizing my thoughts.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!