What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 42
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? USA
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Teacher
What’s your current relationship status? Dating casually
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 36?
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Unexpected, Terrible Sex
How long ago did this hookup happen? 8 years ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? This happened while I was living in South Korea. She was Korean, and we met on a dating site. We chatted as friends, and decided to meet because we lived near each other. I didn’t have any friends who lived in my area, and I don’t think she did either. I had gotten a fairly good impression of her from chatting online and from her pictures. We met at a subway station and I would best describe her appearance as “sloppy”. She was overweight, which didn’t really bother me, but I wasn’t expecting it. What did bother me was how she was dressed. An old t-shirt and sweatpants, no makeup, it was like she didn’t care how she looked. That’s really not how Koreans typically dress.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We were going to have lunch, and I knew of a place 5 minutes away. As soon as we started walking she got a phone call. My Korean was at a very low level at that time, but she seemed to be talking to a friend. We got to the restaurant and she continued talking on the phone for about 5 more minutes. I was very annoyed with her at this point. We ate and her poor table manners made me wish I could just leave her there. She wanted to go to some park or something, (I’m not sure exactly what the place was) and I said we can go, but I want to go home and get my camera first. This was not a ploy to get her to my apartment, I like to take photos and really wanted to bring my camera. We went to my place, and she wanted to look up our destination online. I waited and eventually, she decided she didn’t want to go. At this point, I still wasn’t thinking anything about sex.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? She said she was tired and asked if she could take a nap in my bed. So okay, NOW I’m thinking sex. I said okay, and she took off her pants and got in my bed and closed her eyes. I took off my pants and got in bed with her. She was completely passive when I tried to kiss her and when I sucked her tits. I took off her panties. She allowed me, but still completely passive. I got some moans from her when I fingered her, but it wasn’t fun for me. She just laid there with her eyes closed. I took off my underwear and put on a condom. I got on her missionary position and put it in and started pumping. At this point, I didn’t really care if she enjoyed it. She still had her eyes closed, and moaned a little while I pumped. Her pussy felt very loose and soft, and for some reason, I couldn’t last much more than maybe 5 minutes before I came inside the condom. Finishing that quickly is not normal for me. I was kind of embarrassed about that, but like I said, I didn’t care if she enjoyed it. We hung out at my place for a while before she went home. I walked her back to the subway station. She wanted to get dinner first and then tried to get me to buy her some clothes. I think I did buy her something, but I was just glad when she went home.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one
Did your partner have an orgasm? No
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After the first meeting, I had no intention of meeting her again, but I ended up inviting her over for pizza and sex a couple weeks later because I was feeling bad about being stood up on a date with someone else. Sex was about the same as the first time. We chatted occasionally online over the next few years. About 4 years after the first meeting we started chatting more frequently and met for dinner a few times. She started coming to my apartment for dinner, drinking, and sucking my dick. I liked that much better than sex with her. We did have sex once or twice more, but I didn’t enjoy it. Now I live in the US, but we’re still friends and chat online.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it, It was easy/convenient
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They didn’t give a clear ‘yes’ but didn’t give a ‘no’
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told a few friends about it long after it happened. I described it was the worst sex I ever had. They laughed about it.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? It was sex. Although I wasn’t expecting sex with her that day, it happened at a time in my life when I was really looking for casual sex.
We also became friends.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Almost no response from her from the time she got in my bed until I was finished.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I realized there was such a thing as bad sex.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Interesting idea. I like to talk about my sexual experiences, but don’t really have anyone to tell.
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