Worth Waiting For

by Just Judy

What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 30
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Lawyer
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 14
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 3

Worth Waiting For

How long ago did this hookup happen? Last month

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Sam is a good friend of someone I work with. I met him at a work reception I had planned and we instantly had a connection. Sam is somewhat famous. Not a household name, but known and recognizable to many, especially sports fans. He’s black, not terribly tall but in great shape. I knew who he was before the party and was a little surprised by how attractive he was in person. We flirted at the reception and after party, but left separately. We kept up over texts for a few months, and he eventually let me know he was going to be in my city. We planned to get drinks.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Drinks ended up being a group outing, with about 6 of us at the beginning of the night. I made sure to sit next to Sam at the bar, and we touched and stroked each other under the table. It was not subtle at all, but since Sam and I are both married, I think we wanted to maintain some plausible deniability.

At one point, we both ended up in the co-ed bathroom at the same time. He grabbed me by the waist and kissed me. I asked if we could leave together, and he said he’d find a way to make it happen.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? After a few hours at a few different bars, it was time to go. We shared an uber back to the hotel with one of Sam’s friends. He sat up front while we made out and felt each other up in the back seat. Like I said, not subtle.

Back at the hotel, Sam and I made out more and undressed each other. He fingered me, I went down on him. He wanted to return the favor, but my period had just ended earlier that day and I was too self conscious to let him. Neither of us had any condoms, so we didn’t have penetrative sex, and neither of us climaxed, but the building of sexual tension was satisfying in and of itself. We were very compatible and, I think, were both thrilled that something was finally happening.

After we fooled around for a few hours, Sam zipped me back into my dress and I got a taxi home.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close

Did your partner have an orgasm? No

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We’ve kept up texting casually and will definitely hook up again the next time he’s in my city or I’m in his. I think Sam is interested in me for the same reason I’m interested in him – something different, fun, easy.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) No penetrative sex happened

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s)

How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told nobody. Sam’s friend probably knew or could guess what was happening, but I didn’t ask his opinion.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Slow build up of sexual tension.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Not being prepared to finish the task.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? No

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I’m hopeful that I’ll have an update to share soon. Incidentally, Sam texted me while I was writing this out!

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Over the past few months, I’ve really embraced the positive role that casual sex can have. I’ve been experimenting with a number of different men, and I feel like as long as I’m being smart and careful, it’s adding a fulfilling layer to my life that’s missing in my marriage.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I still love it!

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!