Abuse Survivor/Feminist/Libertine

by shauna

What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 50
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Pennsylvania
Highest education received: High school diploma
What’s your occupation? artist
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Bisexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 40-50
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

abuse survivor/feminist/libertine

How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 weeks ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call

How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? he is 20-something african american. young enough to be my son. he lives out of state but visits my town occasionally to see friends/family. we met at a nightclub about 6 months ago and hooked up then. became Facebook friends. he contacted me via fb to say he’d be back in town. we hadn’t interacted directly since he was here last (our 1st hook-up). before we hooked up the 1st time my impression of him was awe. he is strikingly handsome, very sociable and there was chemistry.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? we met at a nightclub where I was working. i was instantly attracted. i initiated it

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? it was 2 strangers impulsively hooking up for sex after leaving the club. he followed me to a secluded parking lot and we had sex in his back seat. i gave him some oral but mostly intercourse due to lack of space/privacy. he was very giving and sweet. surprisingly sweet given the circumstances. we talked about sex, no pretenses, we were both very clear that it was about sex. 2 adults, respecting boundaries and each other but it was sex. it ended when the sex ended. we exchanged sweet & sincere thank you’s, had a laugh about what we’d just done and went our separate ways.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? i felt great. i had no expectation of ever seeing him again but we became fb friends, which i was comfortable with

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness

How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? a couple friends who are confidantes. they both gave me an ‘atta girl’. they know me and don’t judge me for having hook ups. i also told my therapist.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? i was sexually gratified and it was a bit of an ego boost to have the interest of a man half my age

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? that i got home later than expected and was tired at work the next day

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? no

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? nope

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? i engage in casual sex often. in past relationships i’ve ventured into swinging (craigslist hookups, some of my ex male partners are bi so often MMF 3somes) and going to sex clubs.
as a sexual abuse survivor i have a somewhat defiant need to “own” my sexuality. it was used against me for so long and now i demand to own it, enjoy & explore it. perhaps i’m hyper sexual? but i prefer that over being frigid.
i’d like to see sexuality become as much of a non-issue as eating or breathing…just a natural human need. as a woman i’d like to see less disparity between social judgment of mens vs womens sexual behavior.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? i think it is a great outlet for people like me, it’s somewhat therapeutic to share these things anonymously. i also am very glad that research like this is being done.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!