What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 39
What’s your race/ethnicity? Mixed / Multiracial
What continent do you live on? Europe
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Pansexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? attracted to masculine presenting people of various genders
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 35ish
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? none
Aged and Mellow
How long ago did this hookup happen? 4yrs or so
What was your relationship status at the time? Dating casually
How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was mid-late 50s, tall with a dad bod, bearded and fuzzy. Piercing blue eyes and a full head of silver hair. He worked in a geeky, niche profession that was quite interesting to learn about and our conversations were always pleasantly intellectual. We met on a dating site. He told me that his marriage was open, his wife was vanilla (and suffered from low libido) so as a compromise to get his needs met, he was given permission to do it discreetly and safely. I enjoyed his company, conversation and sexual skills but I had no romantic interest in him, I didn’t have a problem with separating sex from romantic feelings.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? He was blunt and to the point on his dating profile. He was looking for a discreet friend with benefits that could fit into his weekly schedule. His wife didn’t want to meet or know his partner of choice. Mutual good health was a priority. I was early to mid-30s, dating casually and horny as fuck. I just wanted regular orgasms from someone that didn’t want or need anything from me. I’m a kinky sort and his fetish appealed, one which his wife wouldn’t fulfill.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? He was into cunnilingus to a degree I had never experienced in a partner. It’s literally all he wanted from me, to worship my pussy. I’m switchy and lean towards dominance sometimes so I had a lot of fun with it. If he satisfied me well, I’d let him touch me in other ways. He had a micropenis so the two times I let him fuck me were anticlimactic for me. Each time we met, I’d say things like “Make me cum 5x and you can put your tiny dick in me.” Or “Make me cum harder with your tongue and a toy and I’ll let you lick my asshole like a good boy.” Things like that drove him wild and he lived to serve me with his mouth. I loved sending him home with my juices in his beard. He was an eager and fantastic lover and I felt powerful and sexy. We talked about all the nerdy and geeky things we were each into and we learned a lot from each other. The FWB relationship ended when I stumbled across a separate dating profile of his (thank you Google) that straight up said he was cheating. I was fine with open relationships but not cheating and lying. I was happy getting off on the regular but not at his wife’s expense. It was instantly over for me.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I’m still pissed he lied and cheated to have his needs met. I had no romantic inclinations or future aspirations with him.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, Discussed STI testing history, Exchanged recent STI test results
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Power / Dominance, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told a similarly kinky friend and someone else I was hooking up with. It led to some fun sharing and laughs.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? He ate pussy like a starving man at a buffet.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Finding out he lied to me for about 2yrs.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? No. I still think there’s nothing wrong with open, honest, consenting casual sex. Keyword being honest. Everyone can get their needs met if they’re honest.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Somewhat positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I don’t regret any of the casual partners/casual sex I’ve had. It wasn’t always good or we weren’t always compatible but it was a great way to learn about my sexual needs and boundaries and has definitely shaped who I am. I think that all my lovers have played a part in helping me to find a highly compatible husband and a deeply fulfilling relationship with him. I will say that men’s attitudes towards a woman who approached sex much the same way as single men stereotypically do, wasn’t positive. Some were one night stands because they opted to slut-shame me. Or they didn’t react positively when I advocated for my own pleasure and orgasms. Over time, I got better at filtering those kinds of men out without ever taking my clothes off.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It’s a fun and fascinating peek into the sex lives of other people.
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