Becoming Emotionally Attached to Your Fuck Buddy

by Kaitlin

Age: 22
Race/ethnicity: White
Location: Chicago
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
Occupation: Unemployed
Religious affiliation: Lutheran
How religious are you? A little
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexual orientation/sexuality better/best? I’m like a 2 on the Kinsey scale
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None

Becoming Emotionally Attached to Your Fuck Buddy

How long ago did this hookup happen? This past year

How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He’s blonde and pale with a nose on the larger side. Not usually my type but he had that funny, outgoing personality. I hadn’t met him until the beginning of my senior year of college. He expressed interest in me to his friend one day at a party. His friend approached me telling me to give his buddy a chance. After two years of hooking up with losers in college all I wanted to know was “but is he normal?”

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? One night after the bars my girlfriends and I walked back to a fraternity live out. His friend seemed super interested in me and I thought he might try and make a move on me. When we got back to the house the boy, Patrick, was there. He paid me a lot of attention and was serenading me to silly hip hop songs. My friend was really drunk so I decided we were going to leave. Patrick seemed sad I was leaving and offered to walk us back. When I dropped my friend off at home it was an unspoken decision that we would walk back to his house.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Our first time hooking up he made me feel like I was the most beautiful girl he had ever been with. He kept saying “omg you’re so perfect”. It was fun and nice and I woke up and he was super cuddly. He went in for morning sex with kisses all over my neck but his roommate walked in when I was topless kissing him so I got embarrassed and it didn’t go any further.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? The first time we had sex I asked him if he had a condom and he seemed embarrassed that he hadn’t offered to get it. I ended up taking it off mid-sex to give him a blow job.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? It was the beginning of a new year and I wanted someone nice and funny that I could have a casual sexual relationship with, maybe hoping it would turn into an exclusive thing.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? 85% of our hook ups were after a long night of drinking. We had a couple sober encounters.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After our first hook up we continued to hook up at least once a month, every month for the rest of the school year. Every time after we hooked up I would feel excited and hopeful. A day later I would fall back into feeling shitty about it. We never texted unless it was past 2 am. He usually didn’t answer my day time texts attempting to be cute and make conversation. It had turned into a mixture of fuck buddies and booty calls. He would text me at 4 am and I would drive over. I actually slept with my phone on loud hoping he would text.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My friends were always kind of scolding me every time it happened but they were never surprised. In December he got back together with his ex girlfriend but continued on with our drunk hook ups. So my friend was really mad at me for giving in when he was outwardly known as a jerk.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? The sex was always consensual and I wanted to be alone and naked with him. When it was clear he wasn’t interested in me the sex became less boring. It was very passionate and “I need to have you” type of stuff. Our bodies fit together well.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? I only regret it because it wasn’t good for my self esteem. I don’t usually regret any sexual experience that has taught me something or was once really fantastic at the time (and I can still have in the back of my mind to fantasize about).

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It was comfortable. I was never nervous about the way my body was positioned or how I looked. He was also down for whatever. Biting, grabbing, a little more on the rough side. I’ve never had a boyfriend or emotional sex so for me I’m uncomfortable with the slow sensual stuff. This experience hasn’t really changed my view on casual sex; it’s just lowered my expectations of college-aged men. I’ve seen this change in power many times. In the beginning you’re the best, they are trying so hard to win you over and then one minute it flips and you’re like “wait why hasn’t he texted me??”

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Somewhat positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

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