What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 27
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? The Netherlands
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? IT
What’s your current relationship status? Still married but getting divorced
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Interested in polyamory
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 3
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Cashing That Rain Check
How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 months
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a year
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He’s a tall man, much taller than me. A very masculine body, bald headed with a bit of a beard. He’s very very confident and extroverted, and usually has a big smile on his face; irresistibly attractive to many women. He’s 15-20 years older than me, but you wouldn’t say by his behavior and presence. He’s been my colleague for about a year. We actually hooked up on the day he left my team (and the desk across from mine…), after which he would still continue to work at the same company. We always had great conversations about work but also life in general, and we motivated each other through our enthusiasm. At Friday afternoons, I would stay at work longer to talk to him. I thought of him as the perfect man. Attractive, intelligent, funny, charismatic, successful, adventurous, philosophical.. However, I can honestly say I never once thought about him in a sexual way. A few months earlier I had fallen madly in love with yet another colleague, and I started to work out, lose weight and dress up for this guy… But this guy wasn’t the only colleague who noticed my efforts.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Three weeks earlier, my colleague drove me home after a dinner we had with our team. I had too much to drink and we had been real flirty all night. Still, I never planned or expected for anything to happen. Then he parked the car at a quiet spot and told me he really liked me, and this was our chance to have a little fun. I knew it wasn’t wise to make that decision while being drunk, and without considering the consequences. My marriage was ending, but no official decision had yet been made. We just kissed and that was it, he took me home. I told him that this “no” was not definitive and he gave me a rain check.
At the day of the hook-up, I was officially single. For the past 3 weeks I had fantasized about cashing that rain check and we had been living up to it by having sexual chats. I was excited but very nervous, so we had a few drinks and talked, which helped me to relax. Then we got into his car and we planned to drive to the woods, but it started raining, so we ended up in the back of his car…
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? In our sex chats leading up to this moment, he had told me he wanted to kiss, lick and fuck me at the same time, and that was basically what happened. He was so much stronger and bigger than me, he put me into all kinds of positions to undress me, put his tongue between my legs, kiss me…and then lifted me up and put me on his lap, so I could ride him. He gave clear instructions, which I really liked. After being in a long relationship that wasn’t very sexual, I was kind of insecure about what to do, but I didn’t have to worry about that because he was so clear about what he wanted. He called out my name, told me I was beautiful, he was gentle and also looked out for my “needs.” I really enjoyed it. However, I had too much to drink and was a bit too nervous probably to experience an orgasm. Or maybe he just didn’t take enough time for that.
Afterwards, we talked about the sex and how we had experienced it, and we even talked about going to work on Monday without any of our colleagues knowing what had happened (an idea we both enjoyed). We also expressed the possibility of hooking up again in the future. Then he took me home.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Afterwards I was completely ecstatic. The whole weekend I was happy about it. I did realize we had done it unprotected, BIG MISTAKE, I took the morning after pill but I was quite worried for a few weeks. When I saw him again at work, we were just friendly and flirty as usual and nobody noticed a thing. I hoped and expected it to happen again, and it did. But…just once, after that we made a lot of plans but he kept canceling them, so right now I’m pretty frustrated with him. He keeps turning me on without finishing the job. I don’t mind if we end it, but he needs to decide…
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, Plan B / Emergency contraception
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Thought it was an important experience to have, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident
How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I talked about it to my therapist and about three of my closest friends. They all knew about my relationship status and my longing for sexual experience. Reactions were divided, some thought “good for you” while others frowned upon it.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? It gave me a great rush, it was a great sexual experience, after months of sexual frustration (being in love with a colleague who would touch me but never go all the way because of the risk of getting caught) I could finally release my sexual desires. And I just had a great time.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Not using a condom was a big mistake. Also, it did set some expectations of repeating it, which only happened once, this disappointed me.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I liked it a lot and I now know that casual sex is something I can enjoy and want to experience again in the future. It also enforced my idea that I might be polyamorous.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I’m getting excited just thinking about it, so yes, I would definitely do it again.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think it’s ok as long as everyone involved consents, but because it’s taboo many people DON’T discuss their sexual needs with their partners and they cheat… The man I hooked up with, is actually married. I think that is very sad. More open relationships would help a lot of people to live the life the want to live without anybody getting hurt.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Great! I heard about it in a Ted talk, and I was immediately interested. I can show this to my friends or potential sexual/romantic partners, it may help to discuss the subject.
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!