What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 31
What’s your race/ethnicity? Black
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Seattle
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your current relationship status? Dating casually
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 8
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Dating A Man In An Open Relationship With An Asexual Partner
How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 days ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Dating casually
How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I met him on Tinder. I found him interesting and attractive which is rare (for me) on that particular app. We chatted briefly before agreeing to meet up at a botanical garden. He was pretty honest about being in a long term committed relationship that was open, which is fine with me. He’s tall and blonde with beautiful full lips. I found him funny and charming in an offbeat way that made me comfortable and at ease. We walked and talked, flirted, had a lot in common, and agreed to see each other again. No kiss. He texted me that night to say he enjoyed spending time with me and that he loved my laugh.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We met up again at a coffee shop. He brought me edibles, but we didn’t take any. I really had no intention of sleeping with him at first, but we had a great conversation. He kept making me laugh, and I was really mentally and physically attracted to him. I asked him about his open relationship and he explained that his partner was asexual so they had an agreement. I asked him to come back to my place without even thinking about it. We ended up on my couch talking and eventually kissed which was incredibly, unexpectedly awkward. I took him upstairs to watch tv in my bedroom.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We were cuddling in my bed, watching tv, and he slipped his hand under the cuff of my jeans and began massaging my leg while rubbing my back. He kissed me again, better than on the couch. I eventually ended up on top of him and took my shirt off. His body was surprisingly muscular, I hadn’t noticed it before, and he had cute freckles on his shoulders. He was very hard and I rode him, naked, over his boxers for a minute before he flipped me over and fucked me slowly in missionary position. He kept saying how hot my body was. I asked him to fuck me harder. He was rubbing my clit and I was turned on, but I couldn’t orgasm. It was nice, but not quite the style of sex that I like. At the end, he pulled out and jacked off while I rubbed my ass against him and stroked his thighs. He came a lot on my back, with my consent, before going down on me.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Despite having a good time with blondie and enjoying his company and personality, I had a second date later that night with a guy I was very into, so I was, admittedly, distracted and wanted to make sure he left before man #2 arrived. As he was getting dressed, he asked me what I thought of his penis in a half joking, half earnest way that made me laugh uncontrollably. He sent me a sweet text when he got home acknowledging the awkwardness and I know we’ll meet up for another date and sex again. I don’t have many expectations. I haven’t dated or slept with someone in an open relationship before, especially in his situation. Part of me worries about things getting complicated, but I’m mostly enjoying the moment.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Making new friends, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I was intrigued by this person and genuinely enjoyed our interactions before hooking up. He was physically attractive.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I don’t think he’s had sex in a while, and he wasn’t a great kisser/didn’t build the kind of sexual tension that I enjoy.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes, I’ve never had casual sex with someone that I’ve also immediately clicked with intellectually and wanted to continue getting to know as a friend. This is the kind of person that I would consider compatible for a long term relationship, so it will be interesting to navigate this knowing that he has a committed primary partner and we won’t be pursuing anything serious.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I’ve only recently started having casual sex after amicably and consciously leaving a long term, monogamous relationship. Most of my sexual experiences have been within a committed monogamous relationship. However, I’m pretty in touch with my sexuality and find many different types of people attractive. Right now, I’m open to exploring, finding pleasure, and having fun. Luckily, I’m surrounded by peers and friends who are of the same mindset and are very encouraging in these pursuits. I don’t know that I would have had the confidence or poise in my twenties to have these experiences and truly enjoy them or feel empowered by them the way that I do now. Dating apps have certainly changed the way most people in western society view casual sex. It’s not a dirty secret.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Amazing! Entertaining reading.
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