I Don’t Do That

by Toughtoplease

What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 29
What’s your race/ethnicity? Indian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? USA, DC
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Lawyer/consultant
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 10
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

I Don’t Do That

How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 months

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For 1 to 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He’s not very tall, also South Asian. We’ve known each other for a while. Made out once before, knew each other had some feelings for the other. I told him I wasn’t looking for a relationship with him. I liked him a lot before the hook up. I like him a lot less after.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I went over to his place for a party. It was too late and too far so we had all planned to stay the night. I crashed in a different room than his. He texted me to come over and I did.

I didn’t think anything was going to happen. But, there were always hints and indications that things could happen.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? The making out was fine. But, the sex itself was just fine. I didn’t climax. He did. After I gave him a blow job. When I asked him to go down on me – he said he doesn’t do that. That was it – after some more making out, I got up, got dressed and went back to the other room to sleep.

We hooked up again – a couple of weeks later. Gave him a second shot. But, while the about so-so. I faked it and went to sleep. the making out was okay, the sex again was just about so-so.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little

Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt annoyed. I’ve been unable to climax in every casual sex encounter I’ve had so far.

And when he said “I don’t do that” I wanted to punch him.

The second hook-up also annoyed me. The morning after we sat around and chatted he gave me a bad hug and said thanks.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal, Condoms, Discussed STI testing history

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection

How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My friends, they were happy that we finally did it but then it didn’t continue and I told them I wasn’t looking for a relationship with him

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I know my feelings well now

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? “I don’t do that”

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Maybe a little. I want a real relationship. But, keep on hooking up with people because that’s what everyone wants and if there’s been a dry spell I want it as well. But then, feel lonely after. And hook ups never end in orgasm.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? It’s okay to experiment when you’re young. Do it a few times to see how you feel about it.

It helped me get over my 10 year long relationship with a man who I was deeply in love with and is now married within 2 years of us breaking up.

It’s fine. But, casual sex can hurt. And in cities like DC where there are more women than men – it’s too easy for men to get casual sex with women and dangle it over their heads.

Actually, come to think of it, I’m a bit bitter about casual sex.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Great. We need to learn more.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!