I Want Him Again and Again

by Tulip

What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 29
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Florida
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Nurse
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Spiritual
How religious are you? Very
What’s your sexual orientation? Bisexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? I like to try new things
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 25
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

I Want Him Again and Again

How long ago did this hookup happen? It’s been on and off for the last 7 years

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Beautiful blue eyes, tall, lean but muscular. I met him at work and would flirt with him and after a few times talking we exchanged numbers. I was very attracted to him.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We planned for me to come to his house and then go out for dinner. After dinner we went back to his place and he asked me if I wanted to come inside for a drink and I did. I feel like he instigated it but I was very willing to participate. I think even before dinner I was hoping we would have sex that night, I was looking forward to it actually. So he started kissing me while we were sitting on his couch in the living room.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? After some kissing and touching he brought me to his bedroom and took off our clothes. He did oral on me which made me uncomfortable I think because I didn’t know him that well and I was still trying to feel comfortable having sex with him. I gave him oral and I remember being very surprised at how big his dick was and wondering how I was going to be able to fit it in my mouth. He did penetrate me doggystyle. We didn’t talk much and afterwards as I went to get dressed he asked me to stay and I remember feeling like I wanted to leave but I did stay but did not sleep well and there was sex again in the morning and we had breakfast out together and then I left.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I actually felt bad about it – I think because I was upset I didn’t have an orgasm also because I didn’t really know him so the whole experience was uncomfortable for me and I didn’t really feel safe or at ease with him. In the beginning I was hoping for this to lead to some kind of meaningful relationship I think because I began to enjoy the sex so much. He was adamant about not wanting a relationship. So I’ve had to forego my original hopes for this to go somewhere in terms of a meaningful relationship and I’ve chosen to settle for a fuck buddy type of relationship because I immensely enjoy the sex.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more

How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told my best friend the next day and she was happy for me.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? A little bit

Why do you regret this hookup? Because I think I sent him the wrong message. Maybe the impression he got was that I just wanted to hook up and maybe that’s why we’ve never been able to become anything more. I regret not communicating more about what we were both looking for at the time.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? His huge penis and the way he used it made me feel so good like in a way I had not experienced before.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I just didn’t feel as comfortable with him as I would have liked to feel with someone I’m having sex with.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes, it’s made me question how he can fuck me multiple times on multiple occasions over the last 7 years but still say he has no feelings and doesn’t want a relationship with me. I don’t understand casual sex – I don’t understand what can be casual about an interaction like sex. I feel like this experience has ruined me because I can’t find another person who can fuck me as good as him so it leaves me in this situation where I keep going back at least to have my sexual needs satisfied although my emotional needs are ignored.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? No

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? In terms of a casual sex experience, in addition to our physical needs being met I’d also like to see our emotional needs being met as well. From this experience I have learned that for me personally in order to have a satisfying sexual experience- I also need to be emotionally supported and nurtured – which helps me feel safe and then I’m able to more fully open up and engage with my sexual partner.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s a great endeavor! It was just recently shared with me and I’ve enjoyed reading a few of the stories which have helped me in doing some of my own self reflecting.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!