My First Post-Divorce, Post-Faith Hookup



What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 36
What’s your race/ethnicity? Southeast Asian
What continent do you live on? Asia
What country and/or city do you live in? Singapore
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Journalist
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 4
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

My First Post-Divorce, Post-Faith Hookup

How long ago did this hookup happen? Earlier this month

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? We matched on Tinder on a Sunday and started texting. He made it clear from the beginning he was only looking for a hook-up. I had never had one before but I was interested to try it out, and I told him as much. He asked about my sexual history and preferences, I asked about his. He came across as respectful, kind and not pushy at all, which made me feel comfortable.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We continued texting and the very next day we decided to meet up after work to hook up. It was quite spontaneous. We had not made any plans but that evening he just asked if I was ready to meet him and quite on impulse I said yes and jumped in a cab.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We had oral sex. It was pretty vanilla stuff. I really enjoyed it, and I had an orgasm. He really enjoyed himself too. He was generous and patient and made me feel safe and comfortable. After we both came, we got dressed and talked about random things before I left. It was really nice.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt triumphant and liberated. I also felt really lucky and pleased that my first hookup experience had gone so well, that I’d met someone so nice and respectful and classy. The next day I felt the same. I hoped we would meet again and maybe become regular fuck buddies or friends with benefits. We’ve met again one more time since, and had penetrative sex. It was also a really good experience.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, No penetrative sex happened.

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Learning new things, experimenting, To cheer myself up

How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? A few friends. They were supportive and not judgemental.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The sexual pleasure and the fact that I met someone new whom I otherwise would not have met.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The lack of certainty over whether we would meet again.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yeah this was my first hookup and I was worried that I would get emotionally attached and feel hurt in the following days/ weeks if this did not turn into something more. But in fact I’ve been perfectly fine and I learnt that I can enjoy casual sex without getting too emotionally attached to someone.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I grew up in a strict Muslim family and I was taught that sex outside of marriage is wrong so I grew up with a lot of shame and guilt around my sexual encounters with boyfriends – I never actually had penetrative sex outside of marriage but even then I felt shame and guilt about the physical encounters I did have – and it even affected my sex life with my husband after I got married. One doesn’t just shed the idea that sex is dirty and shameful overnight! As I grew up I lost my faith and when I got divorced I knew I wanted to explore my sexuality, which I had never been able to do freely, and without shame/ guilt before. So of course I would love to see a future society where sex is not seen as something dirty unless done within certain confines or norms. I think those ideas really stunted my sexuality for a long time and I’m only just beginning to undo the damage done. What we need is to talk about how to have sex in ways that are consensual, safe, healthy and fun for both partners, not to shut down the conversation by telling our kids that sex is sinful unless sanctioned by God.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? This is really helpful. Even as I’m embracing my sexual liberation now, I was worried that having casual sex with multiple partners would have a negative effect on me over the long term and I’m glad to learn that that is not necessarily going to be the case. I’m all for the collection of empirical evidence.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!