Never-ending One Night Stand

by Jessica

What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 30
What’s your race/ethnicity? Mixed / Multiracial
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Los Angeles
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your current relationship status? Dating casually
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 25ish
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Never-ending One Night Stand

How long ago did this hookup happen? A few months ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was a friend who I thought would be more at some point but that ship sailed a while back. A mutual friend introduced us and we ended up hooking up shortly thereafter. I never thought I’d see him again until he added me on facebook and asked me to dinner. From there on, we were dating/hooking up about once a week and then he’d ghost. This happened on and off for about a year. He got a girlfriend, acted like friends and backed off. After (I assume) the relationship ended, he called me up again and we hooked up one more time. Then another time six months later we were on again for a short period. Then a few months past and it was the last time I had seen him.

I saw him as someone I really enjoyed spending time with and we already had amazing sex. Part of me wished it was more, but I tend to build people up in my heads.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? He texted me when I was out seeing a band play. He told me I should come over after.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? He went down on me, which he probably only did once in the 30+ times we had hooked up. That was a surprise. We had vaginal sex, nothing too kinky but I do love it when we do it doggystyle. He’s a pretty incredible lover. He loves to cuddle. We did it in the morning too. Best wakeup ever.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We went to bed, woke up, hooked up again and went to breakfast. I felt a little confused about the situation because of the way he treats me. Why are we at breakfast and talking about our families?!

I think he doesn’t want anything serious from me. We’ve never talked about it and likely never will.

I hope he finds happiness because I honestly think he’s confused about what he wants.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal, Condoms

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it

How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Now that I think about it, not sure I told more than one girlfriend about this. Most of my friends would be disappointed in me!

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively negative

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Seeing an old friend.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Feeling coming back.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I haven’t really dated since this hookup. I decided to take some time to figure out what I want.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? As I write this I wonder if I’ll ever hear from him again. But I want to get to the point where I don’t care if I do.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think there is nothing wrong with casual sex. It’s a great way to figure out what you want.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Love it!

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!