One Off the Bucket List

by Don’t Call Me Shirley

What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 27
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Pennsylvania, USA
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Student
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 35
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

One Off the Bucket List

How long ago did this hookup happen? a little under 3 years ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Dating casually

How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I’d known him for years. We ran in the same friend circle, and always had a low-key thing for each other, but I was always in a relationship. We’d made out before but never done the deed. He’d lost a ton of weight in the year or so prior to our hookup, and was much more conventionally attractive than ever before. However, with this new look came a new ego. Not so cute.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? After a tumultuous break-up from a long term relationship, I was feeling particularly needy and vulnerable and decided to shoot him a text. I knew he was leaving town in a couple months, and wanted to get it out of the way so I wouldn’t wonder about it for years to come. I texted him late one night (a little tipsy) to come over and listen to records. We hung out for a good two hours or so before either of us made a move.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? When he showed up at my apartment, I was more nervous than I thought I’d be. I played up how intoxicated I was as an insurance policy for doing anything dumb later on. After a couple hours of talking (the most conversation we’d ever had after years of party chatter), he flat out asked if we were going to have sex or not. I laughed awkwardly and started kissing him. We made out on my couch for a while before moving into my bedroom. He went down on me briefly, after which I blew him for a while. I got on top and fucked the best I could, trying to make the long wait worth it. He flipped me over and pulled my hair, something I’m really into, and started talking dirty to me while fucking me from behind. I wanted it, and wanted to be treated like dirt, since that’s how I was feeling. We somehow ended up doing anal, something I never do with anyone outside of a relationship. It felt great but I started to feel used in a not-hot way. He flipped me on my back and came on my stomach, laid there for a few minutes, then got up, got dressed and left.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Deep down I hoped he was feeling lucky to be with me, after years of wanting me from afar. Now that he was hotter he was hooking up with girls hotter than me, but I’d always eluded him. I wanted him to have wanted me.
I was glad to finally get it out of the way. I was hoping it would lead to a FWB situation, but he was cold and unresponsive when I hinted at it through texts. At parties he’d act condescending (per usual). Soon after he moved so I’ve only seen him a handful of times since. Things are much more amicable now. We were both in a low place at the time.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal, Condoms

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Thought it was an important experience to have, Intoxication, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely, Revenge / Getting even, Boredom, It was easy / convenient

How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high

What substances did you consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish

How intoxicated was your partner? I don’t know

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Marijuana, hashish

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Just one friend. She said “finally. how was it?” and cautioned me about reading too much into it.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? A little bit

Why do you regret this hookup? I wish we’d talked about it more before or after. I’d always liked him but I don’t think he knew that. I think he thought I called him to have sex only because he’d become more attractive.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Checking something off my bucket list. No longer wondering what it would be like.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Sleeping alone that night, then being dissed when I texted for another hookup.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I now know that some things are better left unexplored, and that when two people are in dark places, it’s probably not a good idea to mix sex in there with it.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Get rid of the stigma. Increase awareness about protecting yourself.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It’s awesome!

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!