What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 31
What’s your race/ethnicity? Black
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? USA
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (currently pursuing)
What’s your occupation? IT Analyst
What’s your current relationship status? Dating casually
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Poly, maybe.
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? under 10, stop counting after 5
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Smash & Smile
How long ago did this hookup happen? Last Tuesday
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? This particular partner, we will call “Barbae”. He is absolutely gorgeous! Tall, dark and handsome. He has flawless, well oiled, brown skin. Chocolate is new for me and I did not know him very well when we hooked up. We had a few dates and about 6 interactions before engaging in sexual intercourse. We met at the bar. I felt good about him and found him very intriguing. When we met initially, I was out with my mother-in-love for her birthday. He was dressed casually, in work clothes – nothing too sexy to me. I went out with zero intentions of finding a lover. We chatted briefly while I was cashing out my transition and he wrote his number on my receipt and asked me for my hand and left it on there, too. My mom spotted him first: She did good!
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? After a very upsetting, devastating, and heartbreaking breakup with my toxic ex, something new, seemed like a breath of fresh air – but I was too much in my head about it. Although my ex and I were broken up, we still had sex and I was tired of it. I still needed sex, but did not want it from just anybody. After 4 months of celibacy, I did not need this type of pressure or distraction, but it been one of the best sexual experiences to date. We went out one night, kissed all night and came home for the grand finale. When coming in my door, he noticed that the handle was loose and that the screen door slammed kind of hard. He went to this car for his tools and quickly repaired it. Call me easy, but I was wet after that. My ex had seen the condition of that door for months and never did a thing. The first time led to many more, so it’s kind of a blur – but it’s always good. I learned so much about myself and body in this experience. “GET OUT YOUR HEAD” especially in your business, relationships, and decisions.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Our sexscapades were never planned, but I can say for me, I knew sex was on the table from the very beginning. I made that decision early on. I think most women make that decision early on. WE BE KNOWING! We’ve hooked up many times, even at the bar, but my house was the location most times. He is an amazing kisser and it does something to my core. We were in sync, our bodies were perfectly aligned. and I felt a deep connection in the bed. Out of the bed is still to be determined, but it was always a good time. I just haven’t focused on anything besides the bedroom and self preservation for now. I was not ready to complicate things. I do not give head, but he made me want to. I am still working on myself in the area. You know, always IN MY HEAD! I felt good. He makes sure that I am good and it is working out well. It hasn’t ended, I can’t call it – but I do not see anything permanent. Although, it is good. I am in my head, again.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt amazing and I wanted more. I did not have any expectations and I had not set any future plans. I really enjoy him and his company. He mentioned a relationship and liking me and I completely shut down. I do not want to complicate things with titles and expectations. Let’s just smash and smile!
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, IUD (Intrauterine device)
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Thought it was an important experience to have
How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? No one.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? It was and is always a good time.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? He is a very busy man and I can’t get what I want as much as I need it.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes. I thought it was a God awful and disgusting thing.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? It was my 2nd casual sex experience.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I enjoy casual sex. I am almost upset that my parents had me thinking sex was such an awful thing. I am too old to be having a “hoe phase” and making such unorthodox decisions.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think this is an amazing thing! I found the TedX and had to participate. Sex can be very therapeutic and one of the gateways to self love and self acceptance.
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!