The Evolution of a Relationship after Drunk Rebound Sex

by Madison

Age: 22
Race/ethnicity: White
Location: West Lafayette, IN
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
Occupation: Summer Camp Activity Director
Religious affiliation: None
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexual orientation/sexuality better/best: Straight, but open to new experiences
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

The Evolution of a Relationship after Drunk Rebound Sex

How long ago did this hookup happen? Started about 3-4 months ago

How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, paid sex; something else.)? Fuck-buddies, or something else

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? My partner was someone I had known for about a year; he is a half-black male, a little over six feet tall, some facial hair, healthy weight (not skinny, but not fat at all), and has very dark brown eyes.  We had been in a musical organization for all of our college career but neither of us knew the other until we were juniors. We met on a trip for our organization because there was only 30 of us, and I remember thinking he was really funny and had a “no fucks given” attitude. I had started to get to know this person better during our senior year, especially since I attended a lot of parties at his house with my then-boyfriend. I knew he was interested in me around October of our senior year, because he (not knowing my ex and I were dating) confessed to my ex that he wished I was at a certain party because he found me attractive. I always thought he was an interesting person, so when I found that out I think it planted the seed of deeper physical interest in my mind. I had a feeling I was going to break up with my boyfriend a little while after that, so I knew that I probably would have the ability to hook up with him once I was single (disclaimer: I waited over a month to hook up with him after I broke up with my ex, and wanting to hook up with him was not the reason we broke up!).

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? The hookup began one Thursday night after going out to the bars. He had originally come out with other people, but went home quickly after talking to the group I was with. I texted him telling him to come back because I was single, so I’m definitely the one who instigated it. I don’t remember much of that night because I was drunk, but I do remember going back to his car with him much later and kissing him once we sat down.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? During the hookup, it started in the car. I kissed him, and then once he started to drive he asked me to give him road head (which I obliged). Once we got back to his house, I don’t really remember much about the sex (I was very drunk). I did not have an orgasm, and I woke up in his bed feeling embarrassed because I didn’t really know how I had acted or performed the night before. I always get nervous before I enter a sexual encounter with someone new, so that plus the fact that I was drunk made me feel weird. When he woke up, we had sex again; it wasn’t great sex but I think that was my fault because I didn’t feel entirely comfortable with him so I was holding back. It’s not that I didn’t want to have sex, I just feel like I need to know someone better to be more intimate. He drove me home that morning, which was something I didn’t expect him to do. We didn’t really talk about what had happened, and then when I left the car I think he wanted me to kiss him goodbye… But I didn’t. I kind of suck at intimacy sometimes.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? We used a condom, but we didn’t talk about STI history. I got tested about a week later for STIs and I was clean.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? I had broken up with my ex about a month earlier and I was looking to move on, and to start feeling more confident with myself and my sexuality (which, especially my sex drive, had diminished in the last month of my previous relationship). The reason I thought he would be a good person to hook up with was that I had already interacted with him in social situations and I knew him from the organization we were in, so it was better than having sex with a complete stranger. I was also physically attracted to him! I thought he seemed like a casual person who wouldn’t want a relationship-level of commitment, which was something I desperately needed from a guy.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? Alcohol was involved. I was much drunker than he was because he drove home, but I did give him my consent. I don’t remember how much I had to drink, but I was enough to make the hookup fuzzy in my memory and to give me a pretty good hangover the next day.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After the hookup, it was a couple of weeks before we hooked up again. I initiated it, asking him if he wanted to “hang out.” I enjoyed that hookup, especially since we talked in between having sex. I got to know him a little better, which was nice. That made me really like him as a person, and made me want to continue hooking up with him. We hooked up for the rest of the school year, and I graduated so I really don’t know if I have any expectations for the future with him. I think we knew that there really wasn’t a point in pursuing anything besides a fuckbuddy kind of relationship because I was graduating and he still had one more year. I don’t know if it would have turned into a relationship if I was staying around school; we never really talked about if we were ever “exclusive” or what our relationship’s title was. One time he mentioned that I was “seeing him,” the meaning of which is still unclear. Does that mean I was seeing only him? Was I his kind-of girlfriend? The terminology part of our sexual history is confusing.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told most of my friends about it. My closest friends who are girls reacted very positively about it, especially since he never demanded anything of me (especially in terms of my time) and I seemed happy. My friends who are also in that musical organization were not the happiest about the hookup (and ensuing hookups) because my ex was also in that organization and later found out about the hookups and became really upset and distraught (he still wanted to be in a relationship with me).

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? It was a consensual experience for the both of us. Even if we were ever drunk, we both knew that we could say no if we wanted.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why: I do not regret this hookup. If anything, it gave me the opportunity to get to know a person I may not have really ever talked to.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? The best thing about this hookup is that it gave me more self-confident in myself as a sexual being, and it allowed me to further come out of the sad/angry rut I had been in for a long time in my previous relationship. The worst was once my ex found out and how depressed it made him (I think he just couldn’t believe that I had moved on, even though he had done the same thing…).

This hookup made me, again, realize that casual sex can be a positive experience if you know the person you are having sex with even a little bit. It made me feel more confident with myself, and realize that not all men need a huge, deep level of commitment and effort (my ex boyfriend basically wanted me around him and taking care of him all the time, which was something that I, as a very independent person, hated).

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

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