What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 23
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What country and/or city do you live in? New Zealand
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Student
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 6
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 2
How long ago did this hookup happen? Over the last three months
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I’ve written once before on here about one of the times with this person but not the overall 3 months with him, a mixture that was booty call/ fling like. That type of person and situation it turns into that you wish you’d swiped left, but it was a mixture of being so naive about Tinder and just wanting sex. We matched, chatted for a few days and then met, the date wasn’t so good with me being so late and being quite intimidated to not even want to play pool which I normally love, he wasn’t my normal type, being quite the opposite of me being a very structured, serious, intense person who I found very hard to mesh with or even be myself to start with but despite this we had a few dates, and lots of sex including a few hotel nights.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Things started from the evening I met him I stayed the night at his place, there was no sex due to me being quite unwell for a good month but there was some cuddling, him fingering me and him giving me oral, which wasn’t that great and over the three months he gave a few more times but wasn’t too good at which I never said but should of as that and some other things did affect how intimate I was and what I did or didn’t do and ended up quite reserved from his intense attitude and me generally not being too happy with the casual arrangement that he decided on when we didn’t look too compatible to be in a relationship, but I was curious with him being so sensual what sex would be like as I hadn’t had sex with someone like that.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We didn’t have sex until a few weeks later which was in a hotel and was pretty vanilla and quick both times but I did surprisingly discover that I seemed to orgasm the best and quite alot from the missionary position with him.
After that over the three months there was a lot more sex and fun, experimental moments where it was mainly at his place in the evening where he mainly instigated it as I wasn’t too comfortable with the casual arrangement so I definitely wasn’t as confident or did similar things I had with others in the past.
One of our more recent and less vanilla times was when I got quite a fancy room in a very fancy hotel as it had a spa bath which I thought would be very relaxing in and be interesting in. Having the spa bath did make things a lot more fun like when he had me sit on the edge of the spa bath and fingered me while using my vibrator on me which was interesting and a little pleasurable,it would have been more so if I didn’t have a painful period at the time. There were a few other interesting moments like in the shower or trying new positions, but I was disappointed of not being well at the time to enjoy things more or do more or when he spent most of the next day in the spa bath with his book when I was feeling alot better.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We didn’t know if we’d see each other again, things were always quite dramatic and getting a little ridiculous mainly due to not being on the same page with things or that honest with one another. I saw him one other time despite texting that morning that I couldn’t continue things, I knew things couldn’t continue like that as I was starting to get a little attached but found I was still very reserved knowing he blatantly only wanted sex so we had sex one last time which i’m pretty sure he knew would be the last time he saw me, a few days later we said goodbye over text, but we still seemed to text and things did get a little petty over text with me mainly feeling so hurt from it ending and being disappointed it had been the way it was.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Thought it was an important experience to have, To feel better about myself, Boredom, It was easy / convenient
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Somewhat
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Some of my best friends knew, a few of them had met him briefly and they didn’t seem to like him very much and were not supportive at all about me continuing to be fuck buddies with him, they thought I was going to get hurt and deserved more than being a booty call.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively negative
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Somewhat
Why do you regret this hookup? I was incredibly indecisive about what I actually wanted, I knew it wasn’t best to be on Tinder especially in the typical way of being on there in a rebound way after a bad breakup, so of course hadn’t healed properly and developed quite a icy attitude towards guys and tinder, so when I started to really be myself and let my guard down it was the worst timing finding someone I was starting to trust sexually when I had so much baggage and was still in contact with 2 other guys who I saw sometimes too in the first month so this made things quite complicated and me very reserved and limited of what I wanted to do sexually.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Having a nice hotel room on one of the nights together and having pizza and cider there with an awesome spa bath.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Both of us being so indecisive, the drama and slight dishonesty more from my side as there definitely wasn’t enough communication at times. We both shouldn’t of continued things for so long, as we were both unhappy about different things that definitely showed, with it getting so intimate and thinking we could be fuck buddies after going on a few dates which that made things too intimate to start with and nothing should of happened after that when he didn’t want anything but sex from me.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It definitely will make me more cautious for the future with dealing with casual sex and to be really careful with what is said at the beginning. I know for me personally being friends with benefits, fuck buddies or fling like doesn’t work especially if there’s going to be such intimate things as cuddling, hotel weekends together, personal stuff exchanged it’s going to make things complicated and those things are good to have so I think i’d rather actual dating or a relationship than having those things so fake like mixed with just having sex.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Fairly negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I think you should be really careful who you enter a casual arrangement with, not just to settle with the reason it may appear like good sex as if you are quite indecisive and more of a relationship person it’s going to get complicated having emotions and feelings mixed with someone just wanting sex, and you being there just for your body and because you’re the easy option, to not settle for that if you and your body are disrespected. Which of course I was and am always told this many times but never seem to listen as you think are different and can handle it, but I really know now I can’t.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I generally think casual sex is fine and can work, it really depends on the people involved and what is said and arranged but it most definitely can get complicated especially if you tried dating to begin with, and have things intimate from the beginning and try to switch to friends with benefits or fuck buddies just doesn’t generally work.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s great, I enjoy reading alot of the stories.
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