Too Committed for Commitment

by Goal digger

What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 24
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? United States
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Student/CNA
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? None
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 13
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Too committed for commitment

How long ago did this hookup happen? 1 week

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a year

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I met him via tinder and reluctantly had sex on the first date (January 2015). I say reluctantly because I was somewhat disappointed for hooking up with him on the first date. It had been the third time I had done this and felt as though I was making a bad habit of it. For the first 3 or 4 dates, we would have dinner or drinks and then sex, and I would stay the night. He’s tall and sturdy. Not macho muscular, but a well-built man. He’s a surgical resident which is what drew me to him in the first place, because I am interested in the medical field as well. With that, he’s very confident and blunt.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? For our initial hook up, we met at a bar and had multiple drinks. It was unplanned (in my mind), but I didn’t object when he asked me to come back to his place (he instigated).

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? It was an awkward first time. I was partially trying to talk myself out of it, so I didn’t let myself enjoy completely. Oral and vaginal. Very much an awkward first time routine. However, he was larger than most men I had been with which was enjoyable.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little

Did you have an orgasm? I don’t know

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I stayed at his place and slept with him in his bed but did not cuddle. At that time I was in a depressive point in life so I believe I did want more from the experience. Now I know him more and know myself better as well. He is extremely focused on his path as I am with mine and both do not want more than our occasional hook ups. He can also be a giant asshole which reminds me that he is not someone I want to be with long term.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Intoxication, To feel more desirable, I was feeling lonely, Submission / Relinquishing power, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it

How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? A little bit

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told 4 of my close girl friends and one guy friend

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Somewhat

Why do you regret this hookup? The initial hook up yes. But now, I’m comfortable with the situation.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The physical enjoyment

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Being unsure about my emotional feelings toward it.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Somewhat positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I’ve had 2 actual boyfriends. Casual sex is something I enjoy because of commitment being out of the picture. I also tend to pick bad guys or guys I don’t see myself with long term in order to not get attached. However I do almost always get attached in some way. I believe casual sex is enjoyable but does become serious at some point. I also believe women give in too easily to what the man wants (which I do in my case and would like to change).

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Brilliant and needed

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!