Wednesday Night Poker

 

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What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 68
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? California
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Many
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 100-200
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 5-6

Wednesday Night Poker

How long ago did this hookup happen? 40 years

What was your relationship status at the time? In a relationship (open)

How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? One of my college classmates, Peter, used to host a poker game and wine tasting at his apartment near the Natural History Museum in NYC. There were six to ten regulars, men and women, whom he invited. When my girlfriend was in town, she would sometimes play and smoke cigars with the guys, but she was away at school that year. I think Peter always hoped that one of the women would stay overnight. But they never did. I was good friends with Linda, a tall, brilliant, blond woman, who was in many of my classes, but we had no physical relationship. Half way through the winter, another woman, Vivienne, whom I didn’t know, started attending the games. She was average height and weight, with dark hair, broad square shoulders and straight posture. She looked strong and confident.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? If there were more than four players, we’d take turns sitting in or out, depending on whim or the size of our wallet. There was always lots of kibitzing. The stakes were low, but Vivienne was a good player and usually won. Linda usually lost; I tended to break even. During the game we would sample three similar wines, eg: three Merlots or three Cabernets, etc, of different price and quality. We covered the labels and numbered them 1, 2, 3; talked about them while playing; eventually voting on which one we thought was the nicest, Before comparing the labels, Vivienne and I always agreed and always picked the most expensive wine, as the best. One night, when there were many more players than seats, Vivienne and I both lost our stakes early and both decided to head home as soon as the wine was done. On the subway ride we chatted casually, but as her station approached, I just asked her, “Would you like to come to my place for the night?”. She paused for a few seconds and said, “Sure”.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? At home my roommates were asleep already, so we just headed to the bedroom. I’ve never been shy about being naked and Vivienne wasn’t either. We undressed matter-of-factly, like long-established lovers, and nestled into the cold sheets. Though we were new to each other, there was no hurry, no urgent passion. We cuddled a bit and talked about personal things for the first time. I learned that she was engaged and told her about my lover of more than eight years. We talked about contraception, but it was the ’70s and I doubt that we worried about STDs. We kissed, long and slow, we caressed. Her arms were as strong as they looked and the muscles in her back and hips, wonderfully firm. eventually she rolled back and we made love in the missionary position, then switched to her on top. She was stronger and heavier than my girlfriend and it made her seem powerful and assured. It was an encounter where the boundaries between bodies seem irrelevant and and we both came easily and together.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Post-poker sleepovers were our routine for the rest of the winter and spring. I don’t think we ever talked or saw each other, except on these Wednesday nights. Neither of us was in love with the other and both had other lovers that spring. We graduated in May and she returned to her fiancé in Virginia, while I moved to California. I haven’t heard from her since our last sleepover

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), I was feeling lonely, Making new friends, It was easy / convenient

How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Somewhat

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I think Peter was suspicious. He and I were drinking buddies, who often takes about relationships,> But he never asked. It would have altered our poker group’s dynamic too much to discuss it there and we weren’t in an exclusive relationship. My roommates learned of it of course, because Vivienne was there for breakfast, acting as if she’d always been there. They all knew my regular girlfriend , Cathy, too, and I think that Steve, my best friend, felt a little conflicted. But he had a short affair with her later that year. So i think he got over that.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Relaxed sex with a thoughtful and independent partner. No strings, other than respect.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? All good things must come to an end.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It was the first ongoing, casual relationship that I’ve had and confirmed that I prefer those to briefer, more anonymous linkups. Before this, I thought that sex with friends should be possible. But the association of sex with love and commitment, often make routine friendly sex problematic.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? Casual sex wasn’t invented recently

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Casual sex doesn’t have to mean a lack of caring. Some recent studies suggest that people become more tolerant of it as they get older, solidifying the idea that monogamy is often temporary and situational.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Anecdotes are interesting and powerful. But we shouldn’t conclude that monogamy is on the way out as the cultural norm.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!