I Can’t Believe I Am Doing This…

by Anne

Location: France
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
Occupation: copywriter
Religious affiliation: not religious – brought up as a Protestant
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Mostly heterosexual
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

I Can’t Believe I Am Doing This…

How long ago did this hookup happen? a year ago

How would you best classify this hookup? Craigslist “casual encounters” at its best

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Well, in best Craigslist style, I didn’t know my partners at all before we met for a pre-sex coffee. We had exchanged e-mails, very clothed snapshots and texts (so far so good) and I could tell I was writing to someone who was intelligent and interesting, and was also interested to find out what sort of person replies to a craigslist ad for a threesome. I was nervous about meeting them (I can’t believe I am doing this, I don’t really know anything about them, can you really get an idea of someone from a few short e-mails? if I don’t feel good – I’m off) but I have never had a bad craigslist experience (well, to be honest I haven’t had that many) and I suppose I do actually believe that you can tell a fair bit about someone from an e-mail exchange.

So, when I arrived at the cafe, I found a cheerful, pleasant, smart couple. I was slightly disappointed to see that there wasn’t much chemistry between me and the woman, I had never had any sexual contact with a woman before and it was something I was interested in finding out about, but all in all I was relieved about how frank they were and how easy it was to talk to them, both about our lives and interests and about the whole threesome idea.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Starting with who instigated it – the woman in the couple. They had previously had a couple of threesomes which they had enjoyed and she had suggested trying Craigslist to see if anything good happened. The planning was basic Craigslist planning – e-mails, photos, texts – “can you make Tuesday?” “No, but Wednesday is good for me.” “We are going out of town but how about Friday at 6” etc… So, after we met in the cafe and chatted a bit, we got a taxi back to her flat, still talking about our jobs and our families.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? When we arrived back at the flat, we had a drink and then, when she went to get another, he came over and started kissing me – nice… We went through to the bedroom, got undressed and lay on the bed, kissing. She came in and joined us, made a few gentle jokes which really did help me to relax. This was really important to me – that she was so clearly enthusiastic about the hook up – I would have hated it if she had been doing this as a favour for her husband. Well, the guy was, as his wife said, amazing. Very, very good. I lost count of how many times I came with pretty standard sex – missionary, doggy style, him standing at the edge of the bed and me lying on it. I loved sharing this with another woman. He would fuck me for a bit and then her. When he was with her I felt a part of it. This was a couple who loved each other, knew and trusted each other, and I felt almost privileged to be swept up in this with them.

Me and the wife didn’t do much sexually. We kissed, did a bit of breast play, and talked. We all talked – there is a lot of things to say in a threesome – things you never thought you would hear or say! He came twice, once in her which was beautiful, – it was an entirely way out and beautiful thing to see them get there and then, just as they came, she reached out and pulled me in with them in an embrace – and once with her giving him a blow job after he had reduced me to a happy blob of jelly.  And what did we talk about? Everything from past lovers to anthropology and ecological issues. And when we were all exhausted and happy we lay there and discussed nothing and everything until we fell asleep.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? We didn’t discuss anything. I wouldn’t let him come in me with out a condom so he came in his wife instead (the wonders of threesomes).

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? It had always been a fantasy and this was the perfect time in my life to live it out.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? A glass of wine. Nothing else.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We stayed friends. We exchange e-mails occasionally and have met up again when we are all in town. I feel good towards them. It was a great experience and I realize how lucky I was that it turned out like that.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told my then FWB [Friends With Benefits] – not immediately but at some suitable time a bit later (he had been out of town for a bit when I met them). He loved the idea and was very impressed. We were going to try to recreate this ourselves but he moved far away so that relationship unfortunately ended. I also recently told the guy I am now seeing (he has “been there, done that” so he was cool about it).

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? Yes, for everyone which is why it was so positive.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? Not at all.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? BEST: What can I say? That it was all round such a positive, happy, nurturing experience. WORST: Really, I don’t think there was anything bad. It has, funnily enough, made me very wary of trying another threesome. I can see how easy it would be to feel used, or to be treading on someone’s toes and for it to be the opposite of the experience I had. This was really part of a rediscovering of my sexual self after having had kids. It was another step in that adventure. I also realized that I am basically straight…

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup or anything else? The second time I met up with this couple I realized, when we all were lying there chatting idly and having a rest before the second round, that this (completely non-sexual) moment was an echo of being in my parent’s bed – feeling held securely in someone else’s relationship. Also, I have been surprised at how positive casual sex has been for me over the last couple of years. We are brought up to have very low expectations of casual sex and to equate it with anonymous, uncaring sex. That has not been my experience all.

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