A Nice Chat

by Antonio Soffiantini ‘Tunin

What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 26
What’s your race/ethnicity? Hispanic / Latino/a
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Austin, Texas
Highest education received: Some college (not currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Laborer
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 3
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

A Nice Chat

How long ago did this hookup happen? 6 Years ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? One Off Sex with a friend

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a year

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? My partner was a fairly new friend at the time who I met through her brother who was my friend. I was still fairly awkward and a tad uncomfortable around her as I am with people I’m getting to know. She was a curvy white girl with large breasts, a big butt, beautiful eyes, long blonde hair. She was very much conventionally attractive. She took on the persona of a free spirit type and enjoyed having conversations on all kinds of weird topics.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? The hookup started at her parents house. She lived in this house at the time with her parents where basically one half of the house was for the parents and the other half for her and her brother. She invited me over to hang out and I had hung out with her in the past a number of times to smoke pot and talk, some times drink beer. So we hung out in what was this part of the houses living room. Never had I sensed sexual tension from her or that I was of interest to her and I always thought of her as very attractive and a person who I’d like to sleep with but she always had a boyfriend and until relatively recently to the hookup I had a girl friend. At this moment we were both single but I still didn’t imagine anything could happen between us because I didn’t think she found me attractive and frankly I thought she was out of my league and I had only had sex within the confines of a relationship.

Despite that she had expressed in our conversations a voracious sexual appetite that involved a bunch of kinks within the realm of BDSM. When I arrived to the house on that night, I found her pretty drunk and drinking from a bottle of wine. She was hyper but I was a bit overwhelmed because she was still a fairly new friend and at that moment I couldn’t match her energy level. She became frustrated since I wasn’t on her level since I was stone sober and she was drunk and our conversation was disjointed because of that.

She insisted I drink as well so I could loosen up and just so she could see me drunk since she had never seen me drunk. I obliged but even at this moment I didn’t think this would be something sexual even though I would have liked that.

I drank vodka she gave me, shot after shot, which enabled me to get on her level rather quickly. I was more relaxed and we were chatting more comfortably and eventually our conversation turned into her BDSM interests and experiences. I explained that my sexual preferences were rather vanilla and I had no interest in any BDSM things. Due to the alcohol the exact transition from this part of the conversation to the following is a bit hazy but at some point in this conversation she asked me to slap her. I first said no, I couldn’t imagine doing something like that and at this point still, it didn’t seem like a sexual request, almost like a party trick; “Go ahead, slap me, I’ll like it.” Once again due to the alcohol the transition is hazy but after a back and forth I agreed to try it. I gave a her a couple of weak slaps, that didn’t hurt her and frankly disappointed her. Finally I slapped her hard enough where I could tell it got the intended effect.

That quickly turned into making out on the couch.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We started making out and at some point she asked me to choke her. I tried but I didn’t feel comfortable enough so it never gave her the intended pleasure since I didn’t choke her hard enough. She asked to slap me to see if I liked it and I let her but since I was drunk, it barely fazed me but then she choked me which I disliked very much and so we just went on back to making out.

I eventually went down on her and sucked on her breasts. I made her cum a number of times. She attempted to jerk me off during but it didn’t pan out since the hookup was mostly me going down on her. After her final orgasm for the night we went to her actual bedroom and we fell asleep.

When we woke up we immediately started making out and once again I went down on her making her cum a number of times. Eventually we both had errands to do and had to go our separate ways. She told me I must be the best boy friend since I was so giving. She was a little worried that I hadn’t come but I told her I had enjoyed everything and I didn’t feel cheated which was the truth.

During the initiation of sex I was almost in a surreal state where I was amazed I found myself in this situation since I never pictured this type of thing happening and it wasn’t anything I had actively worked towards actually happening. It was just a random passing fantasy that she’d sleep with me but nothing that was in the realm of actually happening.

But after the initial pleasant shock of what was happening I was given over completely over lustful, basically animalistic passions in what I was doing and enjoyed it.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The following day I was left in a post hook up glow. I felt confident, I felt happy, happy with her and myself. I had recently gotten out of a long term relationship and I was feeling insecure and a little unlovable and unattractive and this turned that all around for a bit.

She actually had to pack up the day after the hook up to go off to college and so there was really no notion of a relationship coming out of this. It was just a thing we did. I did have tiny bit of hope that it might turn into a relationship but even if didn’t I was very happy and satisfied.

As I got to know my hook up partner more after she moved away and would come back for visits I didn’t see her as cool as I initially did and even though she was very physically attractive I started to lose interest in her when I realized she could be very selfish and uncaring as a friend. A fun person for sure but not a great friend.

So slowly but surely our chats become shorter and fewer and farther between until we don’t speak at all. It wasn’t a clean break just a withering away of a friendship.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, No penetrative sex happened

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Intoxication, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it

How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did you consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish

How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but didn’t give a ‘no’

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told very few people for a long time since I didn’t feel comfortable with most of my friends at that time with sharing personal sexual exploits. I eventually told a friend who knew my hookup partner and they were bit congratulatory and also disgusted just because he had grown up with her and saw her more as a sister so he didn’t enjoy thinking of her in those terms.

After that I’d tell friends if it came up and people thought the story was a good one but also a bit surprised since my personality doesn’t seem like something so exciting would happen to me.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I think it will always be the sex itself but at the time it definitely boosted my confidence and made me feel desirable.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The worst thing is I can’t replicate it since it was more of an experience that happened to me unexpectedly. So if I’m ever really lusting for sex it’s not like I can think back to the one time I hooked up and try that since I did nothing to really make it happen.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I’ve learned that I’m more sexually confident with alcohol but not something that I look to actually exploit due to the many downsides of alcohol and perception and reading other people’s cues and all that.
But the most strident thing I took away from that hookup was that sometimes really good sexy things just happen and some unexpected people can secretly find you attractive and may even initiate sex as a woman.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I have nothing against casual sex but it doesn’t seem to be for me. I love the idea of casual sex for me but as a fairly shy and reserved person I can’t imagine having sex with someone I am not in relationship where there’s been trust and familiarity built up before hand, otherwise I can only muster the impulsiveness with the aid of alcohol which is a road I don’t want to go down since it’s fraught with all the problems of receiving consent or even misreading people’s intentions.

Even for other folks who find it easy to hook up I’m very suspicious of how fun it is since it seems like it never comes without some sort of emotional complication even everyone initially is on the up and up. But I don’t think in itself without peer pressure, when consenting adults agree to have sex outside of relationship is anything inherently bad or harmful.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s a great idea and I appreciate the notion of not just having “experts” read into the sexual habits of the masses but letting the population at large have some say into their experiences.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!