Almost Did It



What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 29
What’s your race/ethnicity? Southeast Asian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? USA
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Software Engineer
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Hindu
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? No
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 1
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Almost did it

How long ago did this hookup happen? 18 months

What was your relationship status at the time? Dating casually

How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For 1 to 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? She is petite, and we were friends for some time. I was into her for some time but didn’t act on it since I had earlier ruined two friendships by trying to turn them into courtship. I simply moved on. She later started having feelings for me but wouldn’t act on it because she had feelings for other guys as well, as she would often tell me. She was fun, childlike and very talkative. I met her in the school library for a team project that she was also the part of.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We have had feelings for each other, without the knowledge of the other. We were walking in the downtown area among evening lights and I casually held her hand, to which she responded by intertwining her fingers with mine. We didn’t know how the things will end. As the night progressed playful touching increased culminating with me picking her up in my arms on a dare and taking her up to her apartment. In her apartment, she suggested alcohol and I responded in kind. As the evening progressed she lightly kept touching my arms, which made me very horny and she decided to put her head on my lap and lie down. I made an excuse to get away from her since I wanted to hide my boner and also I was casually dating someone else at the time (although I didn’t know it was only casual at the time, I thought it to be serious, she didn’t). I ended the night quietly with I acting like a complete jerk and asked her to sleep on the couch while I sleep on the bed.
When the light went out, I couldn’t sleep and something suddenly took over me. I got out of bed and there was this mixed emotion of guilt, lust and opportunism overflowing me. I went to the couch and sat next to her, to which she responded by asking me to come up on the couch. We lay there in each other’s embrace for some time before I put my hand under her shirt and we started kissing.

So basically I think I initiated it but there were confusing signals from her side as well.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? The hookup never finished since I felt guilty for cheating on my girlfriend (she wasn’t my girlfriend at the time, which I later found out about). I left without even looking my friend in the eye. For whatever part I was there for, our kissing was very awkward. She was a terrible kisser and I gave up too quickly due to my mounting guilt. I remember saying “No” and leaving her in the room. I wore my shoes and then just left. After some hours, she sent me angry messages and I apologized. Later on, her incessant complaining (which partly had to do with my not responding to her advances and choosing the other girl over her) drove me away from her. She moved and we haven’t talked since.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all

Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close

Did your partner have an orgasm? No

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt guilty and searched through internet for self-help blogs and if I should tell the girl that I was seeing.

We both have moved on and probably won’t get in touch. I miss her sometimes and even wonder if she was the one.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) No penetrative sex happened

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Intoxication, Was still a virgin.

How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I was so ashamed, I didn’t talk to anyone. Just relationship blogs.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very

Do you regret this hookup? Very much

Why do you regret this hookup? If I had kept my urges in check, I could still have remained friends with her. My guilt made me drive her away.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I guess I was able to kiss her, even if it was terrible.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Everything else.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? No. Casual sex is fine as long as you are single and the other party is not drunk.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Very negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? NA

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? NA

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I like the stories.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!