Are You Sure You’re Not Black?



What’s your gender? Genderqueer / Nonbinary
How old are you? 29
What’s your race/ethnicity? Mixed / Multiracial
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Los Angeles
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (currently pursuing)
What’s your occupation? Artist
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Very
What’s your sexual orientation? Self-exploration
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 22
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Are You Sure You’re Not Black?

How long ago did this hookup happen? 9 years ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? My partner was a filmmaker from South America by way of India. She is tall, dark and has a mysterious look about her. She is intriguingly masculine in her body type. She said that she always thought she was ugly because she is not a big woman, and in her nation men like big round women. She is bony and lanky. There is something very alluring about that. We met at a conference earlier that day. I thought she was amazing and funny and hip. She told me stories about which cultures of men she has fucked.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? It began when I brought her back to my neighborhood and showed her the view. We looked at the city lights and I kissed her. She had already made the conversation about topics like penis size and sex. There was no planning. It was mutually instigated. I drove her to her hotel room. She confessed to me that she had never had an orgasm. She seemed embarrassed.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We kissed on her hotel bed, and we orally pleasured each other. I felt excited. I was infatuated with her, much more than she was with me. She was a good lover, and respectful. She regretted not having or using a condom. I became fully aroused while cupping the sides of her slight, angular rump with the palms of my hands. She turned around and witnessed me about to enter her. She had told me she was black and Indian and South American and asked me what I was. I said I wasnt too sure. She saw me aroused and said “you are massive. Are you sure you’re not black?” I felt surprised and objectified. I felt excited but also exposed. I did not know that I was massive. I thought I was normal. I did not know I was black, but my mother told me later that year that our great-grandparents were from Africa. I don’t accept that has anything to do with the size of my penis, but she helped me understand who I am and appreciate myself.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? No

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I was in love with her. She left immediately afterward to fly back home. I tried to see her when we were both in Europe. She had a new man. I wrote songs about her, and sent her a video of one of them. She liked it.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, Thought it was an important experience to have, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, I was feeling lonely, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it, It was easy / convenient

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Nobody

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Her funny comment

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? N/A

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? People should not do things they regret.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Great

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!