Back in the Saddle*



What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 32
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Vancouver, Canada
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (currently pursuing)
What’s your occupation? support worker/server/editor
What’s your current relationship status? Dating casually
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Pansexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? I dislike labels but queer seems suitable…
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? stopped counting a few years back, but let’s say 25-30?
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Back in the Saddle*

How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 weeks ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? It might end up a one night stand, it might become a friends with benefits situation, or it might turn into casual dating/hooking up…only time will tell!

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Long-ish curly hair. Freckles. A kind smile. A little taller than me. Handsome in a cute kinda way.
We’d met at a bar a couple weeks prior, but prior to that we’d seen each other around and had mutual friends. The night we met, he’d been so damn nice to talk to. And I’d recently gotten out of a three-year long-distance relationship, so after I’d spent some time licking my wounds, I felt ready to go to a bar and meet someone and maybe make out with them. He became my target. We messaged, texted, met up a week later, at the same bar in fact, and had a steamy makeout in the alley during that hangout. I felt like he was kind and funny and cute and easy to be around, so I figured everything else (e.g. sex) would just sort of flow naturally.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We met up drunk on a Friday night, both coming from different places. Made out in an alley again. Then he invited me over. I was definitely interested in having sex with him but up until that point, we’d only hung out (and made out) in public places.
We got to his place, and it was a mess. He’d warned me about it, but I didn’t realize it would be THAT messy. I was willing to overlook it in the name of getting play. We drank beer, smoked cigarettes, and even ended up breaking up a fight between two people when we were on our way to the corner store. Or rather, he watched me break up a fight (using de-escalation techniques and periodically threatening to call the cops) then quietly joined in and supported the strange process of separating the individuals and trying to help one find his glasses. The intensity of that experience definitely caused an adrenaline surge for me, then we talked about it when we got back to his place, then we simultaneously became exhausted, so we went to bed…

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We started making out and groping each other in the dark. Once we were down to our undies, I felt like it was probably going to happen, but wasn’t sure. So I thought I’d try a ‘sexy consent’ technique and asked him if he wanted to fuck me. He said yes. Then a semi-awkward buzzkill chat about whether or not to use a condom ensued; I have an IUD, but didn’t have total clarity on his clean bill of health so we used one anyway.
The sex itself was…pretty mediocre. We had a hard time getting into a rhythm. In the end, we never found one. It still felt good, insofar as I had wanted to be fucked and was now getting fucked, but we were out of sync. Then the condom kind of fell off, and he started using his fingers on me. I started using my hand on him. But in the end it was a fruitless effort and we just kind of stopped. I was tired, he was tired, and orgasm land felt real far away. So we slept.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little

Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close

Did your partner have an orgasm? No

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We woke up the next morning, spooning, hungover, naked and vaguely embarrassed. The cloak of darkness was gone so the usual discomfort I feel being naked around another person came flooding in. I got dressed, we smooched, chatted and joked around, then I left. We probably would’ve hung out a bit longer but I had plans to meet friends for brunch.
I felt paradoxically pleased with myself for having gotten laid, and bummed that it hadn’t been better. I like him as a person, and he smells good, so I kind of wanna give sex with him at least one more try before writing him off as just a pal. Two weeks later, we are sort of dating. Haven’t had an opportunity to hook up again, and I’m sort of losing my patience. Sent him a pretty explicit text message today, so we’ll see where that takes us.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, IUD (Intrauterine device)

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Intoxication

How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? I don’t know if he was enthusiastic when he said yes, but he said yes.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Friends – they were proud of me for getting back in the saddle.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? that I made it happen because that was what I wanted.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? substantively, almost all of it.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Only that I wanna try for a better time next time. And how strange it is to not communicate during sex, coming from my previous partner being a hyper-communicative chatterbox, having sex with a silent sam was sort of weird.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Somewhat positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? If round 2 happens and is better or substantially different, I’ll let ya know…

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Casual sex hasn’t played much of role in my life as of late, but I think that will be changing for me soon. Casual sex, like most constructs in our universe, has its advantages and disadvantages; it all depends on the people involved. In some ways I wish I had a greater capacity for casual sex, insofar as I’ve been feeling pretty sexual lately, but I also need to have some kind of a connection with a person to want to bone them.

On a societal level, just in general, the takeaway should be simple. Respect yourself; respect other people; reserve your judgments and just do you, boo.

YOU DO YOU (OR GET SOMEBODY ELSE TO) <—– I just made that up, I think it’s my new motto.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I’m so glad it exists. Need to delve in further though, as I haven’t actually read any of the stories yet!

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!