by Oprah J
What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 19
What’s your race/ethnicity? Hispanic / Latino/a
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Illinois
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? N/A
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 12
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None
Bad Drunk Sex with Classmate
How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 months
What was your relationship status at the time? Dating casually
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was tall and thin. He came from a wealthy background and was always very well dressed. He had blue eyes and a sharp, honest look to him. We had met in a political science class but he also lived in my dorm. Through the class, we had spent a lot of time studying and preparing for quizzes and exams. We had no sexual history and that was never an aspect of our friendship. I was not attracted to him at all. He is very intelligent but a little too emotional for me. He also is a heavy drinker which does not turn me on. Overall, I felt our relationship was platonic and only existed because of mutual classes.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I had just finished my final exams and we had pulled an all nighter the night before. I was attempting to blow of some steam when I met up with a few friends and began drinking. However, I ended up drinking WAY more then anticipated. I was pretty drunk and attempting to find my way back to my room. I remember early in the night seeing him and telling him to stop by later if he was free (just to hangout because all my friends went home for break). When I stumbled to my door, there he was. I don’t remember if words were exchanged, but I remember both of us sort of aggressively throwing ourselves at each other. I later found out he was very drunk as well.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I do not recall everything because I was highly intoxicated. I remember us making out and awkwardly finding away to situate ourselves on my lofted bed. He undid his pants. He was so drunk that it could not get hard. Eventually, in a drunken mess, we attempted to have vaginal sex. It was a complete disaster and it was arguably the most dissatisfying sex I have ever had in my life. I only remember the event in bits and pieces. After that I do not remember the ending. I woke up the next day, naked, and truthfully almost forgot the hookup had even occurred. We did not talk and still have not to this day. It is totally awkward and we exchange an occasional “hi” and “bye”.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? No
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? This was the second person I had slept with and the first was in a committed relationship. I completely regretted it and felt ashamed the next day. I felt like my world was spinning and I did not recognize myself. This behavior was highly unlike me and I felt very disgusted with myself. I felt very depressed for the next few weeks. I feel our friendship is over. I was not sad that nothing came of our relationship, I was more sad that I engaged in sexual activity that I could barely remember. Something about that felt so cheap and degrading.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant
What were your motives for this hookup? Intoxication, I was feeling lonely
How intoxicated were you? Completely wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? I don’t know
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? I’m not sure / I don’t know
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I have not told anyone out of fear of judgment given the circumstances and my previous sexual history.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Very much
Why do you regret this hookup? I do not feel that I am someone who can have casual sex and if I do, I would hope to do that when my judgment was not so severely impaired.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I learned not to drink so much and have someone with me to ensure I do not make a bad choice.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The fact that I can hardly remember it.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Absolutely. Prior to this I thought casual sex would have no psychological effects on me. However, after having sex that I could not remember and gaining back what memories I could, i felt like a totally different person. I have a completely different attitude. I now make my sexual decision when I am in a mindset to do so, and I realize that detached sex is much more complex that I had previously thought.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Fairly negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think its a great thing if you can do it and have a healthy attitude about it. I personally do not know if it is a productive thing for me to participate in but i do not think its wrong.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it is important to hear personal narratives about what sex is really like.
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!