Between Pain and Boredom

by zoey

What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 21
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Australia
What country and/or city do you live in? Melbourne
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? student
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? no
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 4
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? none

between pain and boredom

How long ago did this hookup happen? 1 year ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand

How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He looked nice, exactly like the type of guy I wouldn’t have a relationship with because he carried wealth on his face and in the way that he was speaking. French, like me, in a foreign country. I had met him at a house party, didn’t have the responsibility to take care of friends because I didn’t know anyone well enough so I decided to come to his house after he invited me for an after party. I was a virgin. We hooked up, it was boring and painful but he seemed to have fun. I went home, bleeding, at 4 am. He didn’t understand what had just happened and I didn’t care, because it was not his story, I had lost my virginity to this moment but not to him especially, since I didn’t know and didn’t want to know the guy.
Afterwards I felt sorrow, my legs were badly hurting, I had bruises all over my body. But I had done what I came to his house to do, no emotions. Just something that I no longer had to do on my to-do list.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? It began in the taxi on the way to his house. We were with two canadian girls who were also planning on going to the after party. After seeing us kissing they decided not to go (they were into the guy). I think that the moment right before he kissed me, he told me “I don’t care about them, it’s you that I want”. So, planning was not involved on my side of things, maybe he invited me to the after party with that in mind however.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? During the hookup. Let’s see. We both took off our clothes on our own. Met in the middle of the bed. No oral sex. He kissed me once and stated “I think we’ve waited long enough” (really?). And he started going inside of me, which was actually quite difficult since I was a virgin and since I wasn’t excited enough. So it hurt, but I figured that maybe it was the way things always happened (and I was obviously wrong). He tried to excite me a little bit more to get me wet but I was just perplex. I didn’t understand what he was trying to do, it felt like he believed he was in some kind of porn movie and didn’t pay attention at all to what I was saying. At some point I just waited for him to be over. He went to the bathroom to clean his dick, I went there to take a shower when I realized I was severely bleeding. I came back, put on my clothes and left.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all

Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I always knew that this was basically how it would go for me. I am severely emotionally damaged and I wasn’t ready to have a relationship with anyone. I didn’t feel anything really. Just tired and full of bruises. I also kind of felt worthless but because of my own way to do things, because I chose to have this kind of one night stand and “endured” reaaaaaally bad sex just because I didn’t think I deserved more.
I didn’t have any expectations for the future with this person. I knew that we were going to meet again because we had some friends in common, but I didn’t really care, I wasn’t planning on having anything else with him.
Now I feel like I’m glad I did that with him. Even though it was bad, even though I put blood all over his sheets, I didn’t want to share this moment of my life with anyone but kind of had to, so it was for me the best way to lose my virginity. Plus, thanks to that experience, I now enjoy a lot more when a guy is soft and caring.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Learning new things, experimenting, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it, It was easy / convenient

How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high

What substances did you consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish

How intoxicated was your partner? I don’t know

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? A little bit

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Somewhat

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? To my best friends, my sisters and my best australian friend. I didn’t give them all details. They were mostly chocked that my body was so in pain and marked by the experience. They felt bad that I didn’t have fun.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I went out of my comfort zone.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? It was painful.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? not really, I still can’t have sex with the same guy on different nights, hooking up is basically the only thing that I am able to do at the moment.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I believe that the role of casual sex in society is to show that it’s okay to sometimes be lonely and want someone, actually anyone, to fuck you. However, in movies, casual sex is usually a new way for people to meet, or at least a way for people to realize how much they love someone else. Casual sex is always a way for something, it’s not the goal. So I believe that movies are using something that lots of people do to put it into the usual norms : having a relationship, being in love.

For me, casual sex is just a way to have sex, since I don’t feel like I am emotionally ready to engage in anything more than sex. It’s not a way for something. It’s the goal. And once I’ve had sex with the guy, I don’t see him and that’s fine. Since I’m also often moving around, they know from the beginning this won’t lead to anything. No one gets hurt, and we both get to have (most of the time) a nice moment.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s an interesting question, most studies are interested in a quantitative manner. “X % of people have had casual sex”. Once again, it feels like the goal of those is to tell people “you see, it’s okay, you’re not the only one”. Your project seems more interesting than that, I am under the impression you’re trying to get to the bottom of the reason why people have casual sex and what effects it has on them. You’re looking at the source and at the see. With a one-on-one method.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!