What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 23
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Netherlands
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? student
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Bisexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 11
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Biggest Mistake of My Sexual Life…
How long ago did this hookup happen? It happened in august 2014.
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For 1 to 3 years
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? J. was a pretty good looking guy, 190 cm tall, dark hair, and fit. We met at school, and I thought he was a nice guy, we hung out with the same people.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I broke up with my boyfriend in May that year, and from the moment I was single he started flirting with me. I thought it was annoying in the beginning, because damn dude I just got out of a 3 year relationship, put your dick back in your pants, but in August I thought whatever I’m single let’s do this.
So he, another friend, and I went to a local music festival together, and he just kept flirting with me, and I flirted back for once, when we were done at the festival we went to hang out at our friends place (all 3 of us). We started playing ‘never have I ever’, but with tequila shots. So we all got drunk pretty quickly and of course the questions turned sexual.
J. said he had never had a serious relationship but he had had quite a few one night stands, I was glad to hear this because I wanted to have sex with a guy who actually knew what he was doing (especially since my ex did not know what he was doing, for 3 years). At one point J. and I decided to go to my place because he ‘needed a place to crash’.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We got to my place and we were both a bit nervous, but he just went ahead and kissed me. This is where a tiny red flag popped up in my head, because it felt like I was making out with a washing machine. But I was drunk and wanted to get laid so whatever. Pretty soon we were both naked and he asked if I wanted him to eat me out, YES I did, my ex refused to do this.
So he got on his knees and started licking, another red flag, he was literally just licking all over my labia, and after 10 seconds of this, he suddenly shoved his dick inside of me.
No warning, NO CONDOM, nothing, he just went for it. This was obviously a major red flag, but I didn’t tell him to stop, due to a combination of alcohol and maybe fear. This didn’t feel very good for me, obviously.
After a minute of this he asked for a blowjob, now I really did not want to do this, but once again I didn’t say so. So I grabbed some cherry flavoured lube and used that while sucking his dick, at least this way I couldn’t taste anything.
This lasted for a couple of minutes, and then he wanted to continue having sex, so I lubed him up a little bit more, and then he decided to tell me that he was, actually, a virgin.
Now this wouldn’t have been an issue if he had told me this BEFOREHAND and not just after I sucked his dick. But me and my drunk mind still didn’t tell him to fuck off or stop. We continued doggy style this time, which was okay, but he just wouldn’t climax, we stopped, and he had the guts to ask for anal.
This time I was done, no way in hell that I was going to have anal sex with him, so I said no, and he went to take a shower.
I just laid in bed thinking about what the fuck just happened, and feeling dirty, I wanted him to leave but his train wouldn’t start riding for another hour or so. I was forced to lay with him there, I just pretended to sleep, and at about 6:30 in the morning he left. I spent an hour in the shower after that.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? I don’t know
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt dirty and used. I had agreed to have sex with an experienced guy, not with some insecure virgin. Him being a virgin wasn’t even really the problem, the fact that he lied to get me into bed and lose his virginity was. He told me afterwards that I was not allowed to tell this to my 2 best friends (both guys), probably because J. was 27 and ashamed that he was still a virgin.
The fact the he thought that licking my vaginal area for 10 seconds was enough to get me hot and bothered didn’t help either, I am not a porn star.
I didn’t speak to him for over a year, until I saw him at our mutual friends birthday party. He didn’t say hello to anyone but me, and immediately started doing shots of whiskey when he noticed I had a boyfriend. He kept following me around the entire night, and even asked friends of mine (whom he didn’t even know) if he and I “were okay”. It was super creepy, and I feel disgusted even thinking about him.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Intoxication, I was feeling lonely, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? I don’t know
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My best friends, they called me “The Man Maker”, and started singing “I’ll make a man out of you” from Mulan. They did tried to protect me from him at the birthday party.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Very much
Why do you regret this hookup? He lied to me about his motives and his experience. The sex was horrid and I felt used.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The moment he left.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Everything from the moment he kissed me until the moment he left.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I never have been a really big fan of casual sex, I like to know my partner and his or her preferences.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Very negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think casual sex is not for me personally, but other people should be able to do what they want when it comes to sex with consenting adults. And I would like to see society accept this more, instead of being angry about people having sex. Who cares what people do in bed (or the bathroom, on the couch, in the kitchen, whatever).
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s interesting! I haven’t done much research about it yet though.
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