Cold Stairs

by Grant

What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 30
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Africa
What country and/or city do you live in? South Africa
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Arts
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Diagnosed as a sex addict
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 30-50
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Cold Stairs

How long ago did this hookup happen? 23 years

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? She was dating a gang leader who was pressuring her to have sex. She had told him she was not a virgin, but was, and I was friends with her friends and was seen to be sexually active, she asked me.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We at our local club, her man had left and we went walking around trying to find a quiet spot out of the way. We ended up on a platform of some open concrete stairs, with car lights illuminating us regularly. I tried to be in control of this process but I had no idea.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? She went down on me, while I fingered her like a too keen teen. I think l lay on my back and she slid onto me. I think we had a condom but I didn’t really know how to put it on. We were cold, the concrete was cold, she started to bleed, and I came. We got up quickly and went back to our groups in the club.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little

Did you have an orgasm? I don’t know

Did your partner have an orgasm? I don’t know

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I always felt embarrassed when I saw her which angered her friends. I still feel embarrassed now. I don’t remember her name, I felt some expectation to have a relationship but I simply couldn’t.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, I don’t know if my partner was on any (other) method

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Thought it was an important experience to have, Intoxication, Peer pressure, It was easy / convenient

How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did you consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish

How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? A little bit

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Peers were jealous.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very

Do you regret this hookup? Somewhat

Why do you regret this hookup? Would’ve liked it to be with someone I knew and cared for more deeply. The emotional repercussions of this still affect my life now in various ways.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I was able to fuel my narcissistic ASPD and manipulated girls into sexual relationships that boosted my ego and laid a platform for me to deal with other emotional issues later.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I know I hurt her. I know she became emotional and angry. I think she started having more sexual partners soon thereafter, either to get back at me or to help her deal with her feelings.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I’m not sure. I’ve been diagnosed as ASPD sociopath, with a sex addiction. Has it, could it, can it?

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I enjoyed the thrill of cuckolding her man, and the excitement of being exposed and in public. I was horrified by how much she bled which was another reason I felt uncomfortable around her.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Better education, across all religions, communities and cultures. There’s a place for casual sex within an accepted space. But controlling issues and insecurities too often create tensions and pressure.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Good thing. Looking forward to results

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!