College Ghosting

by Mabel

What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 20
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Los Angeles
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? student
What’s your current relationship status? Dating casually
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? none
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 5
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

College Ghosting

How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 months

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? They were tall, thin but slightly muscle and a few years older than myself. We met via Tinder and had been messaging for several weeks. He ubered to my college and then I drove us to the Griffith Observatory and then he bought me dinner before heading back to my dorm room. I was very sexually attracted to him physically and intellectually.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? It began after we had smoked a joint and were listening to music. It was quite spur of the moment–like I knew we would probably hook up but I don’t think he necessarily expected it. No planning involved. We were both really high and I started massaging his hand. After we just sat in silence for a while casually touching, we then made out and I helped take his clothes off.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? It was primarily vaginal and oral. I went down on him, and he asked if I wanted anything else but I could kind of tell he did not want to go down on me–so I declined. It was overall a really great sexual experience–very active and consensual through out the process. He was a good lover. It mainly ended after he came–I did not–and I kind of gave up because it was too hot in my not air-conditioned room for me to want to try more. I definitely am used to asking probing questions through out sex, like: “do you like this or not?” which he would answer but did not reciprocate those questions well.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After the hookup, we continued to listen to music and he ate his leftover food from dinner. I think he rolled another joint and I asked if we could have sex again that night…to which he decline and then fell asleep. I took a xanax because I get insomnia and then didn’t fall asleep for a while. He slept fine–but those dorm beds are very small for two tall humans.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, Intoxication, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, I was feeling lonely, Power / Dominance

How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did you consume? Marijuana, hashish, Prescription sedatives (Valium, Xanax, Diazepam, Quaaludes, Phenobarbital)

How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Marijuana, hashish

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My friends. They were happy that I had had a good night and was satisfied.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The best thing was that I felt very intellectually connected with this individual–like the date and sex were really good. Plus we both had common interests and life goals.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? We texted the next day, but then he subsequently ghosted me.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes…make myself more guarded and less likely to get attached so easily.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? no

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? As an individual, I really like the idea of casual sex but at this moment (and during that hookup) I really wanted something sustainable. I do not necessarily need or want a committed relationship–but a monogamous partner that I can continue to have regular sex with. Definitely firm believer in safe casual sex if one feels empowered by it. I definitely feel a stigma against my gender to have casual sex…even in college. I would like to mainly receive a subtle text back from previous sexual partners that were honest with me and that they are not interested–instead of being ghosted.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Great project!!!

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!