What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 55
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? NYC
Highest education received: Some college (not currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Web developer
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 10
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
How long ago did this hookup happen? 1 year
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Handsome Israeli man of average build 27-years-old, a resident at a local hospital, just recently became a doctor. I met him through social media – a “cougar” site for women and younger men. I met with him once for drinks before inviting him to my place a week later. He seemed intelligent and sociable and he shared his phone number with me so I was able to Google him and learn all about him from his – and even more his mother’s – Facebook pages.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I took the afternoon off from work so he could meet me at my apartment when he had a break in his schedule at the hospital. He came over, we talked in my living room, argued about a few things – he was more conservative than me – made out for a little, I took him to my bedroom.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We had plain vanilla vaginal intercourse (with condom which I provided). I had only had sex once in the previous nine years after a break-up in a long-term relationship, so I was pretty tight and it took him a few moments to enter. Probably should have used lube. He orgasmed pretty quickly. Then we had a brief moment of pillow talk, he suggested we get a shower together (at least I think he wanted me to join him, anyway I did) then he left. He left pretty quickly and I suspected this would not be an ongoing thing. Which I didn’t feel too bad about, because I discovered thanks to his mother’s Facebook page that Dr. Hottie was engaged to a woman doctor around his age.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I thought he was a creep for cheating on his fiancee and was mad at myself for ignoring that and having sex with him anyway, but I had found so few fuckable men in the previous 9 years and besides I wanted to take my mind off a 37-year-old man I work with whom I had a serious crush on, but couldn’t have because he was in a monogamous relationship with his girlfriend.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Thought it was an important experience to have, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely, Tired of being virtually celibate for 9 years.
How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My friend at work. She was happy for me because she knew how frustrated I was with celibacy.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I got to have sex with a handsome young doctor after such a long dry spell. I had only had sex one time before during the long dry spell and that time it was very uncomfortable and I bled a little because my vagina was not used to having anything larger than a tampon in it. I had gotten a dildo to practice before this time.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I felt guilty because I was helping him cheat on his fiancee and I should have had the ethics to turn him down as soon as I knew he was engaged.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? No. But I’ve gone another year since that encounter, still trying hard to find a man worth having sex with. Ideally one who is not engaged.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Somewhat positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I was never really into casual sex and this didn’t convince me it was that worthwhile. I prefer to have a relationship with someone – even if it isn’t monogamous. I just can’t find any desirable single man to have a relationship with, although I could have sex with a male stranger every night of the week if I wanted to.
I really don’t enjoy sex much with someone I don’t know or like very well. And I think that mostly sociopaths prefer casual sex, because they don’t really feel much empathy or desire to know other people. And I think it’s likely that there’s a higher degree of sociopathy among men, because so many seem to prefer depersonalized sex. And I think this should be studied – I think it hasn’t been because thanks to thousands of years of patriarchy, anything that men prefer is considered the standard for human behavior. I think there needs to be an examination of why such a high percentage of men are repelled by the thought of getting to know their sex partners. They talk about friends with benefits but they don’t really want the friend part. Just the “benefits.”
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I’m glad somebody is studying casual sex from an anthropological perspective.
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