Finding a Hidden Side of Myself…

by Dr. Z.

What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 54
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? USA
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Retired
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Bicurious
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 45
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 1

Finding A Hidden Side of Myself…

How long ago did this hookup happen? 2015

What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (monogamous)

How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand

How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Last year I was on a vacation in Hawaii and decided to get a professional massage. One of the items on the menu was a prostate massage. I had read about this in my tantric sex research and tried to interest my wife in doing it for me once, but she wants nothing to do with my ass. Anyway, since I was already in the full swing of the vacation “I don’t give a fuck about anything” mood, I spontaneously decided to add that technique in. It didn’t seem to bother me at all that the masseuse was a fit man about my age. While my mind automatically goes to women in my sexual fantasies, occasionally there is room for men.just to shake things up. I had a couple of bicurious experimentations in college that obviously hadn’t directed my sexuality in decades.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Well, this guy was very skilled with his hands on my back and body, so I was quite relaxed when he began to focus on my ass. Call me naive, but I was surprised when he wrapped his hand around my hard cock at the same time. HA, apparently it is all apart of the process. Anyhow, I have never felt such sensations and the next thing that I know, I am speaking in tongues on this massage table doing my best impression of a puppet on the end of this guys fingers! I found myself grasping at everything and needing to be grounded in some form. The masseause offered his leg and said that it was natural. The next thing that I know, I am grabbing his ass and then his crotch, apologizing the whole time for being so out of control. It was as though I was suspended in that ecstasy just before you climax, yet there wasn’t that primitive desire to actually cum.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? All this was just so overpowering that I finally stood up from the table, pulled this dudes shorts down (at his mild protest), and buried my face in his crotch! Wow, and I liked everything about it; the feeling, the smell, the taste, the newness of another mans penis in my mouth. Yup, and when he came, I swallowed every drop just like I would want for myself. Who knew i was such a slut? Afterwards I went back to my hotel suite, bent my wife over the kitchen counter within seconds of walking through the door, and banged the bejesus out of her like some wild animal! She kind of hated the aggression, but a guy can only live in that tender Harlequin romance roll so long before he just wants a raw fuck.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I thanked this masseuses with a generous cash tip and went on my way. Technically one might argue that this was my first and only time paying for sex, but I really don’t see it that way. It was just two people that intimately connected in a relatively harmless way and I have no real regrets other than not being able to share this with my wife. In some odd way, it doesn’t feel like infidelity with another man. As for this masseuses, he stated that his actions were unprofessional on one hand, but also accepted the unique connection that we had on the other.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, No penetrative sex happened

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Learning new things, experimenting, Thought it was an important experience to have, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? A little bit

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but didn’t give a ‘no’

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? One gay friend of mine that I trust explicitly.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Exploring a hidden side of my sexuality that I didn’t know was there and the amazing sensations of a prostate massage.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? That it was awkward overall. I would have liked more time to explore and with less pretense.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes. I now admit that I am bicurious to myself and that there allot of my sexuality that I would like to explore. Whether that happens or not is another story. I want to be mentally and physically safe, not to mention remain married.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? Just that I wish I could share all this with my wife.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? It is so sad that our society doesn’t allow more open sexual freedom.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Thank you for making this outlet available!

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!