What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 34
What’s your race/ethnicity? East Asian
What continent do you live on? Asia
What country and/or city do you live in? Japan
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Engineer
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 7
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
First Time One Night Stand
How long ago did this hookup happen? 10 years ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was a classmate of mine when I studied in the states. I had noticed him a few times in the hallway at school but we never talked. There was something about him that was a bit intriguing for me: the distance from others, the reservedness, the mixed insecurity, and the masculinity.
He is Arabic, born in the states. Not tall, a bit bald. Round eyes and thick lips. He would never look people in the eyes. And he always looked away when I walked by.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? It was at our graduation party. This was one of the occasions I always feel incredibly lonely, seeing others surrounded by loved ones and close friends. I didn’t have many around me at that time. At the end, the dance sat by the dance floor and watched other people dance. Those couples were so happy dancing with each other. The sense of loneliness suddenly hit me, and before I knew it, some tears came to my eyes.
He was walking through, also by himself. He stopped and sat with me, asking how I was doing. I said I was feeling sad. And we started talking. He said that he moved to the states at the age of 12. I said that’s a lot of change and loss for you. He stared at me, and there was something in his eyes.
He asked to buy me a drink. I stood up and felt his hands on my back. I felt turned on. Maybe I had been a bit interested in him, maybe because of the heartfelt conversation, maybe because of the touch and the alcohol I had consumed earlier that night.
We went out, and there were some classmates, who were smoking and laughing just outside of the front door. We joined them and went to the bar next door to continue drinking. He bought a lot of beer for everyone and handed me a glass to me. We started talking again and he kept his hands on my back, which I really liked. At one point, he asked, “can I kiss you?” I smiled and blurted “not here.” I was a bit surprised to hear myself say that, as I had never done it before. But I didn’t want to spend the night alone.
The group decided to leave, and we took the same taxi. We sat in the back, and he started kissing me. He seemed reassured, laid back, held my hand and gave me a hand-kiss. It was like some kind of acknowledgment.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We held hands and went back to his apartment. It’s my first time to go to a guy’s place who I was not dating, so I was curious. The living room was centered by a black leathered sofa, comfortable but old-school styled. A small study desk stood by the corner, books stacked up on the floor.
He asked if I’d like some drinks, I said water. We then went to the kitchen and chatted by the sink with glasses in our hands. As soon as we put the glasses down, he pulled me over and started to kiss me again. This time it was more passionate. He pulled up my dress and caressed my body. He was not hiding at all his erection. Soon enough he asked, “should we go to the bedroom?” I had wanted to spend some time on the sofa, maybe to know him a bit better. But I just complied.
His bedroom was small but really tidy. Grey bed sheet, a closet at the with huge red boxing gloves hanging over the door, some fancy watches displayed on the bed. I enjoyed seeing this masculine side of his. It was very new to me since I was usually attracted to sensitive and soft-spoken guys.
As we were lying in bed, he was on top of me kissing and touching me. He asked if he could take off my dress, I consented. The dress quickly came off, and he went up to hang it carefully outside of his closet. I thought that was cute. He was a bit uptight in his demeanor, but it made me want to crack the tough shell and see what’s inside even more.
We went back to kissing and rubbing each other. He told me how cute I was when I smiled and that his first girlfriend was from the same country as I was. It made me a little bit uncomfortable. He quickly took off my bra and touched my pussy with his fingers. For some reason, I just couldn’t get wet. He wasn’t really communicating, but neither was I.
We were both naked. He had this thick layer of dark chest hair. It felt itchy when he held me from behind, but I really liked it. It made me feel soft and sexy. He was talking a lot, which I kind of like, but it didn’t really feel hot. He said he wanted to be inside of me, but all I remember was that I felt tensed up and a bit afraid. The horniness I had felt when we were drinking had faded. Looking at his huge penis, I was scared to death that how it would fit in me or what would happen. I had never had intercourse before, and right there the idea was nothing sexy in my mind. I was stressed out and couldn’t communicate. How would I? It was a one night stand, and it was just so little time for me to feel comfortable. I was supposed to adjust quickly and just enjoy the night, but I couldn’t. He tried to spit on his penis when he was pushing in, but it didn’t work. At some point, I said that I wanted to go to sleep and he stopped. We just cuddled and went to sleep together.
I was woken up a few times by the noises outside and seemed to have a headache. He offered me some medicine, but I politely declined. In the morning, as I was dressing myself sitting next to him, he ran his hands on my thigh. He seemed to be turned on again, but I had decided to leave. He kissed me goodbye at the door.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? No
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? He texted me a few times and set up a date in the same weeks. I was excited at first. I thought that he liked me and we would get to know each other a bit more. When he canceled the date at the last minute, I was really frustrated and pissed off.
He didn’t show a lot of respect when rescheduling the date either and kept pushing the timeline back. I decided to call it off. We never spoke again.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) No penetrative sex happened
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Intoxication, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely
How intoxicated were you? A small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? I don’t know
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? To my roommate, who dating opinions I trusted. She was happy to hear that I was excited about the date after the night.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Why do you regret this hookup? Not really. I wanted it.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The anticipation, feeling horny for and going into the world of a new person.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? That we didn’t communicate about the expectations. We wanted different things. That I was not ready for sex at that time. Until later I learned that I could only be physically ready when I like that person and have formed some emotional connections with him.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It didn’t change my opinion about casual sex as much as make me more aware of my sexuality. I realized I could be very much attracted by masculine guys. I also learned that I could communicate, set the pace, and say no whenever I don’t feel comfortable in sex. It makes me feel safer and more confident. Also, I became more cautious getting in bed with guys I have a romantic interest in.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? Alcohol really change things!
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I expect sexual satisfaction, but it doesn’t seem casual sex is the best way for me. After that night I have tried it with a complete stranger, but again I couldn’t really go all the way. I’m open to trying it again in the future
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It opens up a new world for me!
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