Foreign Affair

by Courtney

Location: Florida
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
Occupation: Social work
Religious affiliation: Recovering Catholic (atheist)
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Mostly heterosexual
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None

Foreign Affair

How long ago did this hookup happen? 7 years

How would you best classify this hookup? one night stand

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? “H” was lanky, olive skinned but with striking blue eyes, not “oh my god” handsome or sexy but not unattractive. Our hookup occurred the night after we met, so I didn’t know him well AT ALL. I was doing some solo traveling as a present to myself for finally graduating from college and was in Lisbon, Portugal, and had gone to see some bands at the Hard Rock Cafe. He was there with a friend, and we struck up a conversation when he let me cut in front of him at the bar. He was smart, with a great laugh, a terrific sense of humor, and a super sexy accent. We had to converse in a mix of his bad English (which was still 100 times better than my awful mishmash of Portuguese) and some Spanish to bridge the gaps. Despite not knowing him long at all, I instantly felt at ease and comfortable around him; it’s cliche but we kind of just “clicked”. It sounds hokey but I genuinely got good vibes from him, despite only knowing him for 24 hours before “the hookup.”

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Technically, I guess the hookup began the night before the REAL hookup occurred, within a couple hours of meeting. We met at the bar, watched the band together and played a game of pool, talked over some drinks, and he seemed to be very surprised that an American girl traveling alone had chosen to visit Portugal. He said he really wanted to show me something, but he’d understand if I was uncomfortable getting into a vehicle with a stranger I’d just met in a foreign country. He even offered to go with me to my hotel and leave his information with the front desk if I wanted him to! I’d had a few drinks, was tipsy but not drunk, and I just trusted him, so we got into his car and drove to an old town about half an hour outside of Lisbon in the middle of the night. We climbed a steep hill in the dark, on the back side of a vineyard on the property of a castle and abandoned monastery, drank wine, and then I saw what he was talking about…the sun coming up over the ocean and the traditional Portuguese fishing boats heading out of the docks for the day. It was beautiful!

That night we mostly talked about cultures, relationships, books, politics…everything. It was chilly and he gave me his jacket to wear and we got pretty physically close during our chat, but only a few kisses were exchanged. He asked if I had plans for the evening (by this time the sun had come up) and if I’d like to hang out and see some old parts of the city and have some traditional Portuguese food. Plans were made to meet up later where we’d originally met, and he took me back to my hotel. He picked me up that evening and he took me to Alfama, which is one of the oldest sections of Lisbon, and we listened to traditional music and enjoyed a great dinner, wine, and “aguardente” (I think it’s the equivalent of Portuguese moonshine, and we mixed it into strong espressos for a great combo of booze and caffeine). We spent the evening wandering the old section of the city and eventually ended up on the roof of a medieval castle (Castelo de Sao Jorge). A kiss turned into a full on hookup on the ledge of the castle’s roof.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? The hookup itself was pretty vanilla. Oral (for both of us) followed by vaginal intercourse. We were out in public and had to stay semi clothed (thank goodness for hippie skirts!). He was a good lover. I’ve had better, but I’ve also had FAR worse, and we both came. It sounds so hokey, but even though we were slightly drunken strangers going at it on a roof, it was still “sweet”. We both knew it was a one night stand, but he was still very gentlemanly and just…nice. He was a great kisser, and we kissed a lot during the encounter. We did talk about the fact that I was leaving Lisbon the next day and we were unlikely to see each other again, and it was cool that that fact was addressed. There was no awkward “I’ll call you” moment, or pretending that it was something that it wasn’t. We had already exchanged phone numbers and email addresses the previous evening, and we agreed to keep in touch.

The police came (right after we did…hehe!) and politely told us to get the hell off the roof, so we went and had a few more drinks and walked around the city some more before he drove me back to my hotel, where I had to get a few hours sleep before heading to the southern part of Portugal for the next few weeks. He kissed me on top of my head and we hugged for a few minutes…he joked about having a new fondness for Americans. His last words to me in person were “ok, my ‘turista’, you go have your adventures in my country, but send me email or ring the phone every now and then to tell me you’re safe here. If you need anything in Portugal, you call me first. Or Spain. I’d go to Spain for you”, and then he winked at me. One more hug, kiss, then he waited to make sure I made it back to my hotel room (he was parked on the street and I went out on the balcony and waved goodbye), and then he drove away.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? We had discussed our relationship statuses (both of us had just gotten out of long term relationships) but never specifically discussed STIs. We discussed birth control (I take oral contraceptives).

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? There were no reasons NOT to have this hookup! Nice, cute foreign guy in a foreign land? Check! The chance to have giddy wine sex on the rooftop  of a medieval castle? Check! Genuinely enjoying someone’s company to the point of wanting to enjoy them physically? Check! There was absolutely, positively no good reason NOT to have this hookup. 🙂

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? We had been drinking steadily but not heavily throughout the course of the night. I’d say we were ‘slightly buzzed’ but not anywhere near ‘drunk’. The night before, on the night we actually met, we were also drinking, but I wouldn’t say we were drunk. We had a few drinks at the bar when we met (pints of beer for him, Stoli and cranberry for me) over the course of several hours, and then shared a bottle of wine while we were waiting to watch the sun come up. We also smoked half a joint of marijuana that night, but none on the night of the hookup. At no point would I say either of us was intoxicated or impaired at all by our substance use on either evening.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We said our goodbyes and that was that. No regrets. No unrealistic hopes for the future, or a long distance relationship or any BS. A few days after I’d left Lisbon and finally had a chance to check my email (this was before smart phones) I had an email from him that he’d written the day I left, basically just saying he was glad we met and that someone in Lisbon was thinking of me, which I thought was really nice.  We did agree to keep in touch, and we have. We talk on the phone just about every year (either New Year’s or Christmas and because of the time difference it’s always some weird hour for one of us) and email/IM on a pretty regular basis. He’s engaged to a woman who he seems very happy with, and they have 2 beautiful little girls together. He seems very happy, and I’m happy for him. I’ve been with a great guy for the past 4 years myself, and I think he’s happy for me, too. I might never see him in person again for the rest of our lives, but I know we’ll stay in touch.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I only discussed it with a few of my friends, who weren’t surprised at all and made lots of jokes about me getting my “passport stamped” and “sampling local dishes”, but it was all lighthearted banter. They were pretty much of the consensus that hey, when the opportunity strikes in a situation like that, it’s not something to run away from, and they know that since we have kept in touch, I got a friend out of the experience as well as a hookup.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? All consensual. Wanted it, enjoyed it, and wouldn’t undo a minute of it. I think he feels the same way.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? Not at all!

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It’s difficult to pinpoint the best thing about this hookup. The sex was good, but the company was really good, too. The whole experience was positive in many ways, and I got a lifelong friend out of the deal. And again…hello?!?! How many chances does one get to hookup with an attractive, genuinely nice guy on the roof of a medieval castle? No way was I passing that up!

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

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