Fuck My Soul

by Gracie

What’s your gender? Female
How old are you? 20
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? New York
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Gay/lesbian
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Queer
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 32
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? Many

Fuck My Soul

How long ago did this hookup happen? Last summer (a little over a year)

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I met Mark interning for a university last summer. He had olive skin and intense grayish/blue eyes. Only a couple inches taller than me (I’m 5’6), with black hair that was beginning to gray. He looked around 34 or so, which was far older than anyone I’d been with before, but intriguing to me.

I’ll admit I’ve had a power fantasy for several years of an older man becoming infatuated with me to the point of just HAVING to have me. I identify as gay and am now in a very happy relationship with a woman, but I spent years having sex with men because of a power complex I felt I gained from it. However, with the exception of a couple gentlemen who actually worked for my orgasm, I never gained any pleasure from the experiences other than the rush of power.

Anyway, he was a painter in the maintenance apartment and someone I never really had to interact with, but I noticed early on his not so subtle stares in my direction. One day, I had to ask everyone in the building for their router number. When I got to his office, he was gone but his partner was there. I explained to him what I was doing and he got up, begging me to stay, to get Mark, saying he would want to be there. When he brought Mark back, Mark was embarrassed and nervous, but still couldn’t help his eyes from locking on my body.

Every time I would pass him he would look me up and down and ask me how I was doing. He was always incredibly friendly and wanted to actually stop and chat with me most of the time. Finally, with only 2 weeks left of the summer and my time working at the university, he stopped by my desk and (this time actually subtly) slipped me a bit of paper with his number on it. We began texting from there.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? After texting for a couple days and discovering we had actual stuff to talk about (although to be honest most of the conversations revolved around how hot he thought I was), I asked him what he wanted from all of this. He told me he was 46(!), recently divorced, had 2 kids (both very young), and was looking for someone to feel emotionally and sexually connected to without all the strings of dating and relationships. He didn’t feel like his wife had ever connected with him emotionally, that their sex life had been stellar up until the end but that he never felt like he knew her sexually. He told me he didn’t just want to fuck my body, he wanted to fuck my soul. Intense? Very. Enticing/intriguing/sexy as hell? Fuck yeah.

Only a couple days after my last day working at the university, I made my way to his house, a pit of anticipation pulsing in my stomach.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? He met me outside his house and immediately embraced me in a kiss, shoving his experienced tongue into my mouth. I’m not big on too much tongue, but his mouth tasted like cigarettes (a big turn on for me, actually), so I didn’t complain. It was late so his kids were asleep (thank god). His house was small, he said he’d just moved in and that it was only temporary. We talked for a while sitting on his bed. He slowly began touching me, caressing my legs. Our clothes came off slowly (his nipples were pierced, a tiny badass thing I thought was pretty cool) and we began pleasuring each other orally and manually. Instead of me focusing my attention on him, however, he demanded most of the focus be on me and my pleasure. I had never really had this kind of experience before, so I gave in, allowing him to take the reigns. He was the first person other than myself to ever give me an orgasm.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After a couple hours of fucking, I told him I had to leave as my mother would wonder where I’d gone (this made me feel both juvenile and powerful to remind him of our age gap). I spent the next few days relishing in the power surge I’d gotten from going through with the taboo experience. He made it clear he was happy to remain a permanent booty call, but I never really talked to him again. Some things are meant to only happen once, even if they’re marvelous.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, IUD (Intrauterine device)

What were your motives for this hookup? Power / Dominance

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I talked to a few friends about it. A couple were concerned that I would later regret it considering the age gap, but they by no means judged the situation and understood once I explained my power complex. Most of them just thought it was badass. A few focused on the fact that he had kids. That weirded them out a bit.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I found a person other than myself to give me an orgasm. And his intensity. It was really sexy.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It made me realize that I was being stupid in making my sexual experiences all about pleasing the other person. In heterosexual hookups after this, I made sure to think about myself more. I began having more frequent orgasms, but there was still something missing that I couldn’t quite put my finger on (or in, hehe). It took an OKCupid threesome to discover what that something missing was: a WOMAN to make cum.

So, I eventually came to realize that the surge of endorphins I got from making a man cum was nothing compared to the rush I get from making a woman shudder around my fingers or tongue. With men, I felt powerful, in control, and so I couldn’t get lost in the experience. With women, I’m still very much a top who likes to call the shots, but I can get lost in the experience and feel truly connected to someone.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all positive

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