He’s Still My Friend

by Mindy

What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 26
What’s your race/ethnicity? East Asian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Kansas City
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Bartender
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Catholic
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 6
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

He’s Still My Friend

How long ago did this hookup happen? 6 months ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? My friend is pretty fit and tatted up on the pecks throughout his arms. He is basically your every day “douche”; the guy who KNOWS he’s pretty handsome. I’ve known him for about 6 years before ever hooking up with him. Another plus years if you want to add we went to the same middle school but never spoke to each other. Before I never really looked his way because he and I were both dating someone and to be honest, he’s not my type. He’s a good-looking guy. He’s super tall, very funny and charming; at least all the ladies at the bar seem to gawk at him. He’s a lovable guy though. Was always more like a brother to me especially since we work behind the same bar. Never really considered him when it came to hooking up believe It or not.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We didn’t plan to hook up but we were both single at the time. He was in a rocky relationship where his girlfriend would break up with him a trillion times and he’d ask me to go drink with him at a local bar so he could talk my ear off about it. Nothing new. We always did that to each other so I didn’t mind hearing his problems out. My friend instigated and always was saying he wanted to sleep with me but in a joking way. Saying it would be “good sex” because we’re such good friends who understand each other already. We had a few more drinks and he randomly pours out how seriously into me he had always been but since I was dating his friend at the time, he didn’t have any courage to say anything about it and Just let it be. Obviously, I think that’s BS til this day and he gets pretty upset at me about it.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? It wasn’t sloppy as I expected it to be, as drunk as we were. I was feeling overly confident that night, especially since I felt he has been wanting this for awhile by the way he tugged on me. Usually, I’m pretty shy about showing off my body for the first time to people but we broke out into a passionate kiss; lights on and everything. Yikes! Ended up in a 69 position then rode him for a good while until he came. Went for a second round with him on top then flipped over to doggy before he and I came again. Probably the loudest I’ve ever been in his house since his neighbor asked about me the next day. We ended up having sex until 4 AM which I don’t even know how but I remember laying on his chest and then remembering I had to get home because the sun was out and the birds were chirping! I think there was a lot of lust just by the way we grabbed each other’s bodies that night. No weird thoughts. Just us and lust, which was fine with me. I usually don’t really enjoy one night stands because I can’t connect and when I can’t connect I can’t orgasm.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt super guilty because I know his ex is still super in love with him. We are only friends and we’re still only friends actually. The sex brought us closer. I guess we just care more about each other now?

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms

What were your motives for this hookup? Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Thought it was an important experience to have, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it

How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Never shared with anyone til this day

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I really like how we still remained friends and became even better friends. We don’t go out and eat or anything but we do send each other “I miss you” text which fills in that emotional void when you’re just feeling single and lonely. We even get each other lunch sometimes. It’s not an every day thing. Trust me. We just let each other know someone cares. Then there’s those nights talking til 4 AM about his video games or the same thing he always stresses about. Nice old convo never gets old. Just my friend being himself.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Just knowing his girlfriend is probably the worst thing. We aren’t best friends but acquaintances. We don’t treat each other badly but we don’t know much about each other either. She’s very territorial when it comes to him and she has accused me even BEFORE we hooked up, which I clearly confronted her about and said we weren’t BECAUSE WE WEREN’T. How stupid would I look if I got caught doing the deed now? Really stupid. She is the type that would hold a grudge even if they weren’t dating and to be honest, I don’t want to be that girl. Just sucks to know I AM that girl NOW but whatever. I just learned to acceot you cant change the past so no point worrying about it.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I use to never believe in casual sex but I think you have to find someone who respects you enough to not spread the the information around. He hates drama and so do I. I think that’s why I finally gave in. Because I knew he wasn’t trying to tell anyone about it. I think thats why it works out pretty well. We can still hang out and no one suspects a thing. I made the mistake of sleeping with one of my other friends and you’d be surprised how fast that information fies. Men talk just as much as women do so it’s hard for me to just casually enjoy sex without worrying.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? We still hook up and lay around naked and have movie nights. It’s really nice to have that company without being obligated. What I mean by that is, he doesn’t have to meet my family and I don’t have to get mad at him for flirting with so many girls at the bar. We are so lax.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I don’t think people should be afraid to casually hook up with anyone if they want to. Just make sure its someone who respects you and keeps your business private. Keep it clean and safe. We’re all adults.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Its great. I’ve read a few stories and it’s nice to know some people can relate to you. I use to think I was so disgusting and wrong for wanting to have sex with anyone other than who I was dating but sex without the obligations just feels so much better. Love to lust. We all do. Thanks for letting me share.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!