High Expectations


What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 38
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? United Kingdom
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your current relationship status? Single
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 20
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

High Expectations

How long ago did this hookup happen? Earlier today

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand

How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was a guy I met through a dating app. He looked beautiful: Arabian with clear skin and stunning eyes who seemed interesting and funny. I felt good towards him: sexually intrigued. He sounded extremely confident and I did wonder whether this would turn out to be false. I knew he was 20, about half my age.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We planned to meet for a drink tonight. He was late and I minded, but I let it go because I wanted to have a good time. We started chatting and the conversation flowed well. After about an hour we drove to a shisha bar and carried on chatting. He eventually put his arm around me and kissed me. The kissing was hot, and I knew I was clear about going to bed with him.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We drove back to my flat and started kissing in the kitchen. He quickly put his hands up my skirt and inside my wet pussy. I wasn’t blown away, but it felt good. We went into the hallway and kissed before he led me into the bedroom. I lay on top of him and he flipped me over. He pulled my skirt down and stockings off while biting my nipples. I felt somewhat inhibited as if I couldn’t tell him what I liked and I don’t know why. I rolled over and he took off his boxers, and he wanted to get a condom on right away because he had to get back to his niece which put me off a little. I’m used to exploratory sex. He fucked me slowly for a while, then pulled out and said, “let’s switch it up” and pushed me over the bed, pulled my hair, and fucked me hard. It was kind of hot but I was nowhere near coming. Within a minute or so he’d finished. He lay on me and apologized for trashing my expectations Afterwards, he held me and stroked my back. I enjoyed the skin contact, his body was warm and his muscles beautiful. I wanted him to leave in the end, so I mentioned his niece and we started the process of saying goodbye.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all

Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now?  I brought myself to orgasm after he left, thinking about being used for sex. I feel like a sexual teacher or prostitute for this young man. I felt a little shame. I knew I wanted to write in my journal and then I found this site. Seeing the ‘No, not even close’ box on the ‘Did you have an orgasm?’ question was very validating, like, this is a part of having casual sex. The guy has just texted me to say he had a great time but I don’t think I’d do it again with him. I feel fondly towards him and it was really good to have some contact with another person.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Learning new things, experimenting, Wanting skin and body contact

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I only spoke to my friend about it in advance, for safety.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Kissing in the shisha bar, him rubbing my back afterwards, and his beauty.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? His lack of sexual technique.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It has made me think I might slow things down in the future, or take the risk of saying more about what I would like. I feel the same about myself. I can feel shame knocking at my door, trying to tell me I’ve been used. But, that’s an old voice that I know well and I’m choosing to acknowledge that I am experimenting, seeing how life can be, seeing what I enjoy, pursuing more contact with people.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think casual sex is a lovely way to connect with a person. I feel sad that there are some gender rules about who can enjoy it. I don’t believe in those rules cognitively, but they affect me emotionally a little.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Great! I feel wonderful sharing my experience and look forward to reading other people’s. I feel validated and OK about connecting with sex-positive ideas.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!