What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 20
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Ann Arbor
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Student
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 4
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
(I’ve Had) The Night of My Life
How long ago did this hookup happen? Two and a half years ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? This guy was about my height, dark hair, pale skin, great eyes, and looked absolutely amazing in the low-lighting of this frat party. Super hot, super out of my league. A total stranger, we had never met before. I met him at a frat party when I introduced myself. Before the hook-up, I was just excited to be talking to a guy after I had broken up with my high school ex. Anything could happen.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I accompanied a friend to a frat party – the only frat parties I’d been to I had absolutely hated, but she had convinced me and we were going out that night to cut loose and maybe get a little “slutty”, as we said at the time. That night, until I met this guy, she and I spent the party in the middle of the dance floor and kept getting approached from behind by shady dudes we couldn’t even see in the dark. Who knew if the guys “choosing” us were even good looking? Where was the consent here? I got her out of there and we stood at the edge of the room, bemoaning the “creeps” and what to do next. I scoped out the crowd, saw this super hot guy across the way, standing with a friend. “He’s cute”, my friend said, pointing at the guy MY hot guy was standing next to. A perfect pair. “Who says the dudes always get to pick?” I thought to myself. I grabbed my friend and approached the two of them, nothing to lose. “What are your guys’ names?” I yelled over the music. We began talking with them, and before we knew it, the four of us were dancing and making out.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We danced very close together on the dance floor, then I led him to a corner where we made out rather furiously. Let me make clear – during every step of this process, we checked in with each other. Is this okay? Are you having a good time? Does that feel good? And it wasn’t awkward to do that, just sexy. He took me back to his place after a few hours of that, where we had to essentially hook up on the floor of his dorm bathroom to avoid his roommate (he put a mattress down, though – pretty comfortable). We kept making out, just laying down, then took each other’s clothes off down to the underwear. He fingered me and made me orgasm multiple times. He asked if he could take my underwear off, to which I said no. I asked if I could do something for him, though, and I gave him a blow job which brought him to climax once, though he stayed erect afterwards, so I wasn’t sure if I had done it right and just kept going. He had to stop me after a while, since he had already finished.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? He walked me back to my dorm afterwards, during which we shared pretty affable conversation, like comfortable acquaintances or even new friends. Having done all this sexual stuff with him already I felt very comfortable. I also thought it was gentlemanly of him to walk me back, though I wasn’t interested in dating him. When we got to my dorm, I wasn’t sure of the decorum. He had mentioned his house next year would have a hot tub, and I didn’t know whether to take that as an invitation or if he was just mentioning it. He took the lead, thankfully, and just said, “Well, thanks for a good time.” He kissed me goodbye and that was that. I thought about suggesting we meet up again, but in a way, I’m glad I didn’t. I went back that night to squeal about “my first hook up ever!” with my friend, who had also had fun night with her guy. We stalked the both of them on Facebook the next day, and in a way, I was shocked that my one-night-stand was a real person. In the light of day, he had some acne and was a little nerdier than I remembered him. But still damned attractive. We never spoke again, and now I recognize him on campus, but we don’t acknowledge each other. However, he may never know the huge effect this hook-up had on me. I had just gotten out of a long-term relationship a few months before, and in high school, I felt like the only acceptable way to be sexual was to be in a long term relationship. However, in these relationships I was generally unhappy and someone always ended up getting hurt. I just wanted to be sexual with people, and now I had finally done that, no strings attached, and with a guy way hotter than I could have ever approached in high school. I proceeded to hook up with multiple guys afterwards, having had this sexual confidence instilled in me, until I found the man I’m dating now and settled down. He and I began our relationship just hooking up as well, but I found over time that for the first time in a long time, I wanted so much more than a physical relationship with this person. Luckily, that is what he wanted as well.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) No penetrative sex happened
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My friends – almost all of them at the time. I was very proud of it, and they validated that pride.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I regained sexual confidence, I learned that I could “aim for” hotter guys than I previously had been, I learned that I could have sex outside a relationship without shame, and I gained the confidence to approach all the sexual partners I had afterwards, who I may not have approached otherwise.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I never spoke to the guy again, and we don’t acknowledge each other in public.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? YES
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? This hookup gave me so much of what I had wanted ever since puberty – a consensual, hot-as-hell, sexual experience in which the person I was with turned out to be trustworthy and treated me with respect during the process. Though it was a one night stand, I learned that one-night-stands don’t have to be dirty or embarrassing or shameful – even partners who don’t know each other well can easily treat each other with respect and sexual admiration. Ships passing in the night.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I am very casual-sex-positive. I do think there are ways to have good and great casual sex and many, many ways to have bad casual sex. Communication and consent are at the root of all great sexual encounters. Everyone should want to have sex with partners who also WANT them, enthusiastically so! I also think alcohol can make people more confident, but can often blur the lines concerning what people think they want and what they actually want for themselves. Sober and consensual sex can be so sexy and so fun, and we should not have a stigma about respectful, hot sex outside of relationships! The two are not mutually exclusive.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it sounds good. I would like to see further steps taken to determine a goal besides “getting out the word” of many varied participants and getting the project situated to make a pointed difference, because I think it definitely has the power to. Thank you for this cool idea – my casual sex story is a story I love to tell, but that I find I cannot tell to many.
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