Lame and Limp

by starchild

What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 49
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Hamburg, Germany
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? controller and adult teacher
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? about 50
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 2

Lame and Limp

How long ago did this hookup happen? 1998

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? She was somewhat attractive, a little on the voluminous side, but not really fat. She held a high position in a well-known German company. At that time, I was starved for approval and sex and ready to accept pretty much anyone. We met through a dating ad in a magazine, pre-internet-dating. I did not think much about her at all, I just wanted to fuck somebody.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We had had a drink at a bar and talked. Some days later, we went to the movies. Being the nice naive me, I asked if I could put my arm around her shoulders. She said OK. Then I suggested we go to my place.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We sat on my couch for a while, made out a bit. While I went for a bathroom break, she placed herself in my bed naked. I licked her pussy, fingered her, but my dick did not get hard enough for fucking because the attraction was not strong. I was trying to be nice about it, but the fact was there. We talked a bit, and I think she went home that night.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little

Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close

Did your partner have an orgasm? I don’t know

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? There was some weird back-and-forth during the following month. I was too shy and too insecure to hook up with anyone else. We talked on the phone and she said, that I had called her a few times in the middle of the night and that that was not cool. A few weeks later, she called and apologized since she had found out that the true identity of the night caller was some other guy. We went to a fleamarket together and had some lame conversation. She helped me pick sunglasses. That was the end of it.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, Discussed STI testing history

What were your motives for this hookup? Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Thought it was an important experience to have, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They didn’t give a clear ‘yes’ but didn’t give a ‘no’

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told a few friends. No big reaction.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Having another naked lady in my bed was great for my ego.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I would not say I was “emotionally hurt”, that would be too big a statement. But I was a little irritated. I think it is hurtful towards a woman when the guy does not get it up. More or less.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Screen for attraction more carefully.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I would like to see people, including myself, to become a LOT more relaxed about the whole thing. As you have more experiences, the one experience where something deviates from the plan, is not such a big deal.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Love it

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!