What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 29
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? USA
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your current relationship status? My girlfriend of 3 years and I broke up, but we are still emotionally and physically involved. We are trying to see other people, but it hasn’t happened for either of us since our breakup three months ago.
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
What’s your sexual orientation? Gay/lesbian
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? queer, mostly lesbian
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 7
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? none
A Little Lady Action
How long ago did this hookup happen? 6 years ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? We met online on a queer-friendly dating website and after a month or so of messaging, we met up in person at a gay pride festival and hooked up that first night we met. She looked really cute- pretty smile, fun hair and makeup. I thought she was smart and sweet, and I had liked our online rapport, so when I saw how cute she was in person, I really wanted to hook up with her. I was 23 at the time and had never even kissed a woman before, much to my chagrin. I had known for sure I was gay for a few years at that point, so I was a VERY eager beaver.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I don’t think either of us was planning to have sex that night, but we were at the gay pride fest with some mutual friends, and everybody was drinking and having a good time at one of the dance pavilions. The young lady and I were dancing on each other, which led to intense making out on the dance floor. We agreed to move things to the ladies’ bathroom, and we actually ended up having sloppy sex in one of the bathroom stalls. I don’t remember now who instigated it. It felt like we just simultaneously went for it, but my memory of the night is a bit hazy.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? In the bathroom stall, we made out and felt each other up a lot, and then I fingered her clit. I tried to get her off with my hand, but we were both pretty drunk, so it didn’t happen. I was on the rag, so we did not go in my pants at all. I was VERY excited while it was happening- more than I had ever been with a dude. I was also a tad bit embarrassed because I could hear people in other bathroom stalls snickering about us, but we were drunk and into it, so we didn’t stop. She kept smiling at me and giggling and gasping, so it seemed that she was as into it as I was. She kept putting her hands all over me, and she was so soft. I don’t think we talked about too much aside from my finger placement. It ended when I got kind of woozy and when it was clear that I, at least, was too drunk for either of us to get off.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close
Did your partner have an orgasm? No
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I apologized that she didn’t get off, but she just smiled and put her arm around me and said we’d try again sometime when we were sober. I sent her a slightly embarrassed facebook message the next day. I knew that I’d been really sloppy and eager, and I wanted to make sure she was okay with it all. I apologized again, but said I had had fun. She said she’d enjoyed it as well and expressed an interest in meeting up again. I did want to get to know her better and indeed have more/better sex with her. We ended up hanging out once or twice more, but the chemistry wasn’t there. We were awkward together, we didn’t have much in common, and we never even kissed again. I believe we both enjoyed the wild hookup, but I also think we realized we weren’t compatible. I messaged her a few years later to ask about something unrelated, and it was a friendly message exchange. I think of her with fond and friendly feelings, and I hope the feeling is mutual, but we don’t really have contact now.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, I don’t know if my partner was on any (other) method, No penetrative sex happened
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Intoxication, Power / Dominance
How intoxicated were you? Completely wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told our mutual friend who had accompanied us to the festival that night. I told a few of my closest friends at the time. I told my subsequent girlfriends as well. My friends were all happy for me because it was my first experience with a woman. My first girlfriend laughed at the story. My second girlfriend doesn’t really like hearing about it.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? It solidified for me how much I LOVE women.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The only bad thing about the hookup is that I was way drunker than I should have been. I ended up running back in to the bathroom afterward and puking and passing out on the floor, so I had to be taken away by security. Eventually the security guard let me reunite with my friends, and the young lady was very gracious about the whole thing.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Not to beat a dead horse, but it proved to me how gay I really am. I felt so free and happy.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? The only negative part was the aforementioned passing out/puking/security guard experience.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I love the idea of casual consensual sex. This was such a positive experience for me, but I know that it can be hard to replicate in practice. I have a hard time finding other queer women who are open to low-commitment sex.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think this is a step forward for sex positivity!
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