What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 19
What’s your race/ethnicity? Southeast Asian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? New York
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Intern, College Student
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 4
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Lost my virginity in Budapest
How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 years
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was tall, very well built, British, and blonde. Not really my type, normally, but I was abroad and I’d enjoyed a few drinks that night. Very cute by conventional standards. We met at one of the ruin bars, off of a pub crawl. His friend approached me first, but then he started talking to me and I think we understood that we were going too fast forward through the words.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? It started at the bar, against a pillar (?) and then he bought me a vodka-and-coke. I knew we were going to hook up, but not really to what extent. So no, no planning involved. And we both instigated it. We wanted it to happen.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We made out at the bar–for a long time. He asked me to come back to his hostel with him, but I didn’t really want to, I’m paranoid about that stuff. So I invited him back to my place and we hooked up in my room’s private bathroom. There was oral–a lot of oral. Both giving and receiving, though mostly receiving on my part. He propped me up on the windowsill and kind of just went for it. I knew I was inexperienced, but I tend to overcompensate and act very confident when I feel insecure. I remember I told him I’d never given anyone a bj, though, and then proceeded to give him a bj (enthusiastically I hope). And later I realized that he was pretty large, though at the time I was just intimidated but thought it was normal. It was unprotected–that was bad. He was a good lover. I was spoiled. Haven’t had anything as good since. We did not talk and it ended by my roommates knocking on the door.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? I don’t know
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? He tried to sleep over but I found out he had a girlfriend. My roommates had talked to his friends after we’d left and found that out, so I was pissed. I have a pretty strong girl code. I had mixed emotions the next day–the girlfriend thing, that got to me. I had also just lost my virginity and he was clearly not a virgin, so I wondered if he knew. Unprotected sex. And to top it off–I had really, really enjoyed it. Aside from a condom, I wouldn’t have changed a thing. I knew I didn’t want to come in contact or speak with him ever again. I think that would spoil everything. So I look at it like a fond memory and the best way I could have lost my virginity. I’m very sex positive now.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, Thought it was an important experience to have, Intoxication, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I talked to several friends. One took me to planned parenthood when I got back. One was very weird about it and made me feel quite ashamed. But now I kind of tell everyone–and most people agree it’s a good damn story.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The confidence and sex-positivity I felt coming away from it.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Unprotected. I got chlamydia
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yeah, totally. I feel so sexy! I enjoy casual sex, though I will go months without having sex.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? Being abroad is the best stimulator.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I’ve had casual sex since then. I think society is really freaked out by it. Personally, I feel like sex can be separated from love and from emotion. I haven’t had super emotional sex since then, and I’ve never had sex within a real relationship. I think I’m young and I’ve got so much going on that I’m not sure I’d like to be in a relationship. So I think casual sex, as long as it’s safe and consensual, and as long as you are not projecting onto your partner some unrealistic expectation, can be very good. But I’d like to see casual sex opened up to the public as a positive thing. I think people enter relationships early on because they want reliable sex and not necessarily because they feel compelled to be with that particular person. I think that’s pretty unhealthy. I think casual sex should have less of a stigma on it because I think sexual repression, especially for young men and women, leads to a lot of shameful feelings that can be very damaging. But I can’t complain–I live in New York.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s pretty cool!
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